myra

Yesterday was the two year mark of being sick.
I remember sitting in this spot south of LA, watching my friends play in the waves. Normally I would have jumped in with them, but something in me knew to be still. I was sick. I didn’t know that in my mind (and it still hasn’t totally sunken in honestly), but my body knew. It was a few days after this video things got really messy, really confusing, and really traumatizing. I thank God for the friends that have scooped me up off the sidewalk and taken me to medical professionals. I thank God for the friends that have taken me in and tried to help however they could.
My body knew it wasn’t best to get in and play that day. I felt like I was coming down with something and didn’t think the cold water would help. Wow, was my intuition right. Our bodies just know sometimes.
Life now seems often exactly like this moment. I can watch the beauty. I can bask in the sunlight and watch people play. But I can’t participate how I wish I could, how I normally would. I cant swim out and dive through the waves and feel the fish. But I tell myself I will again one day.
I never would have expected that feeling to last for two years. And I never would have expected the roller coaster ride of pursuing medical treatment across the continent. Doctor after doctor, prayer after prayer, one all-in attempt after another.
I don’t know what the next two years will hold.
I never would have expected to experience the beautiful places or the dear souls that have become a part of my life because of this unexpected challenge. And I’m sure I could never guess what’s up ahead. Of course I have tremendous hope for healing, on every level, but I have no clue how/when/where that will happen. Life has changed so drastically so many times in the last two years.... I wonder if that will continue? Or if I will find a level path, perhaps more straight, one that twists and turns less often?
I have thousands of words to write about this experience. And looking forward, a million more. I’m so curious. All of this is far beyond my imagination.
I can’t stop wondering.