Eriana Renae

Waves in June // 6.29.21 💭🌊

Can I worship with sadness
or is that ungratefulness?
By asking for more, greed or faith?

I’m unlearning and re-learning
beliefs change
truths rise to the surface
as I stare down at my reflection
which is disrupted by an eruption
from the depths.

Surfaces are deceptive
so I ask a lot of questions.

Can I worship with inquisitiveness
or is that doubt?
How much room is there for my feelings?
I’m told they’re deceptive
so what are they trying to lie about?

I wish I could run without moving.
I wish I could stay without staying still.
I’m here still. Here always.
But so far from where I once was.

Was once heartache, pain
Now, sadness
Was once fear
Now, hope
Sow in tears, reap joy
I am planting.

An act of worship,
of faith.
It is longing and expectation and honesty.

I wish I could hide and avoid obscurity.
I wish I could tell you everything and avoid saying anything.
Is it complicated or just difficult?

The pond is not large enough
for these emotions, the questions
but maybe the ocean is.
Maybe the horizon is closer than it looks.
Maybe the waves will carry me to it
as the seeds take root
and something grows.