alexis colón-philabaum

Grief is such a strange thing. I feel like I’ve been grieving my Papa for a couple years now, and thought I had prepared myself for the unfathomable feeling of him actually being gone. I expected an overwhelming wave of sadness, pain like I’ve never felt. Instead, I feel an overwhelming sense of peace. Peace in knowing that the person I love the most is free of pain. Peace in knowing he’s left behind the most beautiful legacy of love and family. Peace in knowing that even in my waves of grief, I still feel him with me everyday.

I’ve been struggling trying to find the words to articulate just how much my Papa meant to me, but I’m finding joy in remembering the small moments together. Instead of wallowing in sadness, I will think of him sitting front row with flowers at every school musical, choir concert and cheer competition. I’ll remember him getting up early to make a pancake breakfast for my friends and I every Saturday morning after a sleepover. I will smile when I remember how he stood outside the door to listen to me sing showtunes in the shower. And I will always giggle at the memory of him buying a pair of popcorn boxers so we could go swimming together in the hotel pool.

How lucky was I to have a person that filled my life with so much love, that the feeling endures after he’s gone. Wishing my Papa a very happy 75th birthday today, LYJTWYA.