a year agocolehenry.a
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? Ill have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and Ive been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and Im the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. Youre fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and thats just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldnt, you didn't, and now youre paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
a year agoguccibus
Girl invited me over to "fix her WiFi." agreed, obviously. I'm a red team engineer with custom firmware on my router and a Faraday cage around my smart toaster. showed up 10 minutes early, hoodie on, laptop in hand, booted into a hardened gentoo distro compiled myself. She opened the door holding a MacBook Air. Chrome had 43 tabs open. I almost left right then. lasked for her network topology diagram. She laughed. "It's just the router from the ISP" Alright, I thought. Let her have it. popped open her router admin panel. Default password: admin123. The SSID was "Pretty Fly ForAWiFi". ran a nmap scan. 12 exposed ports, 3 outdated loT devices, and a printer running telnet. No firewall. No VLANS. Just raw digital nudity. asked if she ever noticed weird lag. She said "yeah sometimes Netflix buffers."I said that was probably because her TV was being used in a botnet out of Kazakhstan. She blinked twice. "Oh no, is that bad?" Ioffered to segment the network and install pfSense. She said she "just wanted Spotify to stop cutting out." lairgapped her Sonos out of pity. After 20 minutes of work, I asked for her phone to remove TikTok and clean the app permissions. She said "but need it for filters." looked into the distance. Deep sigh. looked out the window and whispered, "The panopticon isn't metaphorical." She asked if was always this intense. said no, only when the NSA is listening. Which is always. She offered coffee. declined, caffeine raises your attack Surface. When left, she said, "Thanks, you're like, really good with Computers."
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