Grant Frith

For 3 years now, I have wrestled and fought with depression and loneliness on a deep level. It is not always there, but it comes in waves. I remember it got really bad during my gap year right after high school when I finally slowed down. But I believe something that God is showing me is that it’s not that it “got bad”, it’s that I was so busy and distracted and “go, go, go”, that I didn’t realize what had already been going on very deeply in my heart and in my subconscious (inner chambers of my soul). When I did finally slow down, I remember doing everything in my power to escape processing the feelings. From scrolling on my phone for hours at a time, to the little things, like doing everything I could to avoid silence. I remember not wanting to go to sleep so bad that I would get the random urge to rearrange my room all of a sudden, or ask a friend to spend the night last minute. Anything to avoid silence, and having to be still, because that meant I would start thinking (and eventually feel those feelings). I literally used any means necessary to distract myself, stay busy/occupied, and never be ALONE.

But this is what I have been learning by Yahweh’s grace: running from the feelings will only get you so far. You will be parched, starving, and suffering without reason because of your own stubbornness. Everyone has a breaking point. This is how unhealthy leaders are born.

So, I have started sitting in the middle of it. In the silence. In the pain. And not alone, I have people who I check up with. But I’ve been processing again. Meditating again. Realigning again. Coming back to the revelation of Jesus Christ and who He truly is. Through this, two groundbreaking questions, one bible verse, and one song have all emerged.

1. “Who are you, Lord?” 2. “Who am I, Lord?”

2 Peter 1:3-8,

And “Tend - live” by UPPEROOM.

It is God’s responsibility to fill my cup, it is my responsibility to bring it to Him empty.

As your brother in Christ, I ask that you please do mention me in your prayers to our Father. I love you all! ❤️