Chris Young

First, last and only post for 2025.

For me, let's just say that this year has been a journey. It's been a year full of hard work, random sickness, kicking ass, sacrifice, self growth, letting go but also opening up. Opening up for the first time in a long time.

Many people believe in God in one way or another. They believe in heaven and hell. I too believe in hell. But not as what most people think of as hell. There's no flames, demons or pineapples (Little Nicky IYKYK). Hell to me is the insufferable depression and anxiety that comes with grief. The kind of grief where you can't eat for a week, you go days on end without sleeping and when you do eventually try to sleep, your own bed feels like the 4 walls are caving in on you. It's not wanting to be here anymore but you're so empty inside that you can't muster up the strength or thoughts to make that hurt disappear the way you want it to.

That grief had followed me for all these years. Shutting me down, keeping me hidden away and steadily losing touch of the person I once was. That happy, outgoing, confident bloke that everyone knew me as was gone and i had become just a shell of the person i once was. I was broken and I knew it. I knew I couldn't hide it so I isolated myself from everyone, even my closest of mates. I was so worried about the people I loved (people I had known my whole life) rejecting me for not being that same, happy person I always was. The fear of their judgement gave me crippling anxiety so I simply shut myself away. It's something that I still struggle with. I'm terrible with answering calls and returning text messages and I make excuses not to catch up but i am trying to better myself. To my friends and family, please understand that it's nothing personal, it's just something I am trying to work on.

In 2025 I decided I'd had enough. It was time to start healing. It meant letting go of the hurt and opening up again. A long time friend had become a close friend. We moved in together and things grew from there. It's actually kind of odd how easy it can be when 2 people just get one another. I'm so thankful for this new life I now have and for the new beginnings we'll share together.