Bri

To be fully transparent with you, it’s felt like me and God have been on the rocks recently—and it’s completely one sided. Busy schedules, misplaced priorities, and shame is the perfect recipe to keep Him at arms length. You ever just think that you can go through life without needing Him every second of everyday? Yeah, me too. Found out you were desperately wrong? Yeah, me too. It’s silly, really, because I’ve been on this hamster wheel before. Yet somehow I end up back on it wondering why I’m in the dumps—lacking motivation, self-isolating, being short with the people I love… the list goes on. And (because I’m stubborn) I stay there for a while. Until, I’ve officially hit a wall. Which is where I am now—knocking on the door of surrender.

I’m tired of “vowing” I’m never going to do something again and beating myself up when I don’t follow through. Who am I to even think that in my own strength I could completely and entirely break away from a certain sin? Only by the strength and grace of God is that even possible. Not our strength, but His alone. We are called to let Jehovah Nissi fight our battles (Exodus 14:14). Surrendering isn’t weak, it’s obedience. And maybe freedom doesn’t start with trying harder, but with finally admitting I was never going to win this on my own anyways. Social media hasn’t helped much. For months it has been flooded with nothing but fear, disappointment, and disgraceful news. Today, like many other days, enough was enough. This evening I found myself in bed brokenhearted, trying to pull it together. It is truly appalling to glance at what our world has become. Shortly after my come to Jesus moment, I opened up my Bible (for the first time in a couple of weeks) and flipped to Psalm 50. (Please see comments).

Our God comes. He does NOT come in silence. He is not distant. He is not indifferent. He is not pacing the floors of Heaven wondering what to do next. He speaks. He moves. He shines forth in perfection and power. And while the world feels loud with fear, chaos, and heartbreak, He is louder still. Not in panic—but in sovereignty. Not in confusion—but in authority. Not in weakness—but in glory.