☆jessy☆

dear sammy,

out of all the losses i’ve had to endure in the last year, losing you feels so different. the pain feels more subtle, like tiny needles poking through my heart. it doesn’t feel heavy. the tears i’m crying for you don’t make my head hurt or my eyes burn. can pain feel peaceful? one day ago i would’ve answered with no, now i’m not so sure anymore.
there are things happening in my life i never would’ve thought could happen, because they are so evil. i thought they only existed in horror movies. losing you isn’t one of them. there’s nothing left unsaid, no regrets, nothing you did to me that i’d have to heal from. there’s just love and happy memories.
you taught me so much, but you left the biggest lesson for after your death: that love doesn’t end when someone leaves. it changes its form, it softens, it becomes quieter, but it doesn’t disappear. you showed me that some connections don’t break, even when everything else does. that grief doesn’t always scream. sometimes it whispers. sometimes it sits next to you in silence and lets you breathe. thank you sammy. rest easy. i love you.