Alexandra Cesca

Today marks one year since you went to Heaven. I can’t even begin to put into words what my grief has felt like, a lot of the time it feels like anger, if im honest it feels like I’m pissed off half of the time. Sometimes it feels like it’s my fault that you’re not here, that if I didn’t move away I would’ve saved you somehow. It feels heavy. I think of the Sundays at church often and going to lunch after. Life is really made up of all the little moments and you’re in all of them. You’re so woven into the tapestry that makes up my life, my being, and my faith especially. I act like I don’t know where to find you but I know you’re there at church. I just couldn’t stop crying the last time I went though? I feel you there. Should I just continue to go to church and cry? I miss OUR church 💞 I pretend to call you in car because I don’t know how to reach you. A couple weeks ago I had the split moment where I forgot you were gone, I had the strongest urge to just speed dial you. My muscle fibers moved faster than my brain could comprehend and it was devastating after. Just walking around Safeway wanting to ball my eyes out. Anyways, I love you and miss you endlessly Auntie Belen 💞