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Spatz (Zach)

@garbage_pail_spatz

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Posted On: October 1st 2026, 09:02 pm

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been having a lot of tough conversations this year with myself about addiction, focus, and my overall path in life. I sometimes think that though I have been incredibly lucky on my path- succeeding on YouTube from the age of 15, moving to LA county by 20, taking myself on beautiful trips and achieving a lot of financial freedom- I have also lost touch in some ways. I have not worked a “normal job” since I was 18. it has been hard to discipline myself, and sometimes I don’t know what’s next or what I truly want. I think over the years I have found an identity in being a creator who often posted herself partying, being rebellious at a young age, and finding my niche in what is considered the path of an outlier. that has brought beauty, but also many trials and tribulations. now that I’m 27 and I’ve grown up, and my life has changed in so many big ways the last year through my breakup and moving away, I find myself yearning at times for a new purpose as well as filling a lot of my free time with less than healthy activities because working from home can feel so lonely. there’s nothing I’d truly change about this life I have been given, but now that my YouTube has been taken away in the blink of an eye, I realize how fleeting and temporary everything can be. I’ve turned to alcohol to comfort me many times in adulthood, I think this year I truly realized my relationship with it (and substances in general) needed to change. I will NEVER discredit weed and what it has done for me, especially as a neurodivergent woman, but even that can be unhealthy if it comes before other things, which is why my smoking has slowed. I’ve realized I have so much more in store and I’m muting my own creativity and drive, and I am working to be better with that. 🖤
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