I'd like to tell everyone what's happened with the heart scare and add my perspective to what's happened.
I've always been a sensitive soul. I cried at adverts on TV.
At schmalzy plot lines on Silly Soaps.
At beautiful music.
Hearing the children at school singing so beautifully always brought a tear to my eyes- much to the delight of my class who would try to hold my hand to comfort me, while the older ones would nudge each other and giggle and say she's crying again!!
Call it empathy, compassion, understanding, whatever. I have a kind heart and I do feel other people's pain.
Maybe this is how I came to this place. You can't witness another human being suffering with Alzheimer's and not be moved.
Especially when that's someone you love and care about.
A once intelligent, articulate, independent, beautifully truculent man becoming unable to express his needs or preferences.
A lifelong LFC supporter unable to watch a match without constant support.
A fastidious man who loved a smart pair of shoes being dressed by others.
Unable to make choices.
Unable to clean himself.
His abilities decline with every visit.
As his wife, supporter, friend and love I'm the one carrying his despair as well as my own.
That all became too much for me to bear and as a result I've had to distance myself a little. I haven't seen him for a couple of weeks.
My life has become smaller.
I hold myself differently now. Less assured. Less confident. Less certain.
Continued in comments.
2 months agomaria_t_hamid
Sorry I didn’t finish my message, it took me along time to respond, I didn’t really understand about broken heart syndrome I lost my brother-in-law last week to this. Take care time to heal, recover, when you feel ready we are waiting🙏🏻❤️sending hugs and kisses ❤️😘
2 months agomaria_t_hamid
I totally agree carers get forgotten they forget themselves during this long road, I have felt grief in the past as many of us have, but this is so different emotionally and physically draining, praying each day for a smile some response. Jane hoping you recover and feel better soon, bless you keep you well, we i have missed your updates. Please take care of yourself
2 months agoallthingsflowery2021
I know when i was at my worst i made a conscious decision not to go in on my own anymore and would visit early evening with my husband instead of in the day on my own. It is such a rollercoaster of emotions i know. ❤️
2 months agoallthingsflowery2021
So sorry life is so tough for you right now. It is so hard to know what the best thing to do is. I only know I found seeing my mum in her care home definitely came at a price for my own health. I am glad you are seeking some help. I didn't and am still struggling with all that happened in her last 18 months. Do you have anyone that can come in with you?
2 months agocassinflorida
Jane, I remember a while back when you said 'it's their journey,' I tried to take that on board, but it's so hard. It IS their journey, and yet we get sucked into the vortex by necessity. But not trying to distance ourselves from the illness can have devastating effects on our own bodies. You have experienced those effects on your body. I don't have any encouraging words. Sometimes I feel that I bring people around me down with my despair. But I am very glad that you are figuring out how to navigate this horror with less trauma and pain. Know that I think of you.
2 months agosuecookinsussex
Jane, your words hit me hard this morning. Today I feel like I don't have anything left. I can't make basic decisions, I can't find the enthusiasm to go anywhere or do anything. My Dad is going downhill and I'm in a year long fight with our local authority to keep him in the care home he's settled in. He's 96 and they want to move him! I can't cope with it all. My husband is in remission from cancer, he had a stroke last year 😢 I'm a total empathetic, like you. I cry at the Salvation Army band outside the CoOp at Christmas 😂😂
2 months agolife_home_places
Keep fighting for yourself. Caregivers drown in dementia. Go down hours of media searches for cures, ways to cope etc. Fact is we have lost our partner. Physically there but changed and constantly changing beyond our comprehension. Silently. But they have dementia we don’t. We must take our gift of life and keep ourselves free of it. Take your time find yourself again and do exactly what you feel is right for you.
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