Es G Oh Be

I’m not gonna lie; after turning myself in from the street, and attempting to end a 15yr battle addicted to speedballs specifically - GOD intervened. For some reason I decided while deathly ill from withdrawal as well as having a blood infection and open wounds covering both shins on my legs - a moment of clarity came when I was abruptly interrupted trying to steal from Wawa by an off duty police officer (in February 2024) - I ran and before I could make it out of the parking lot I was throwing up bile from illness and withdrawal as well as overall exhaustion… Some voice in my head stepped in and mentally I knew this was source, god, allah, Vishnu, Jesus (the name isn’t the point) whatever you like to name God is who was speaking - practically yelling at me this epiphany… “stop now and surrender and trust I will heal you from yourself” is the quote my higher power had echoing through my head… needless to say I decided to stop running and just sit down on the curb at the scene of the crime and wait for the cops. Complied and ultimately turned myself in the junkie way by attempting to commit a crime with no plans on giving up my mission to use, and use and use. God stepped in, and sat me down for 13 months on a tour through PA w/ stops in almost every county surrounding Philly. 1st: PICC & RCF (8months) then montco (1 month) then delco (3months) and finally Chester county (45days) … came home with anxiety to failure so strong - I was scared to drive my completely covered legal car. I was ashamed of the damage I did to me body and sad for myself I wasted all those years and for a year did nothing but scare myself out of leaving the house or doing anything to better my life for me. I realized i had to lock in for ME. Start and continue to love thy self is so important bc when you break it down I think majority of vices have self loathing behaviors associated bc they’re trying to change how they feel or maybe how they or other see them.
I never experienced such a feeling forreal until I was clean and not on the street or acting in Manners that would send me back to prison. And by the grace of god - he showed me I was more than capable - here’s to 1yr of work.