James

Back in 2006 my then girlfriend (now wife) & I were away on our first holiday abroad together on the tiny Greek island of Skiathos.
It was hot, we were stood at a bus stop, the bus stop was busy and the buses were small. Neither of us fancied the uncomfortable commute into town.
Across the road, I spied a motor rental company. Being young, stupid & eager to show my new girlfriend a good time, I loudly announced that we would be leaving our bus stop community behind & hiring out a moped before swaggering across the road.
I was asked two things- did I have a license & had I driven a moped before. No. No. Since I couldn’t provide my driving license, the kindly rental guy asked that I show him that I could handle a vehicle. “No problem!” I said - & believed- snatching the keys from his hand & making my way over to the one I’d decided looked the fastest.
After a brief incident involving having to get the man to help me start the moped due to me having no idea how to, off I went down the hill. Easy. Now I just had to turn around & make my way back to where I started.
Slowing right down to perform a U turn, I turned the handlebars as far as they would go. However, it turned out that this particular moped had the turning circle of the Death Star. So, rather than performing the deft 180 predicted, it took me across the other lane, mounted the curb and drove straight into a bush at the side of the road. At 5mph. With the entire bus stop watching on.
After the rental guy helped me free the vehicle from the bush, my girlfriend & I made our way back to the bus stop in silence.
Eventually we made it into town & once able to make eye contact again, we broke out the trauma response nuclear failsafe of getting absolutely sh*tfaced.
Unsurprisingly the day ended in a drunken row that culminated with me flouncing off in my flip flops.
I was in no mood to wait for a bus back to the hotel so decided to jog. It was late, the roads were quiet & I’d been running for around twenty minutes when I heard a faint humming sound. The humming grew louder & louder until the road behind me lit up & someone shouted, ‘WANKER!’ at me as they flew past.
It was my lovely girlfriend. On a moped.