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Pen & Blade

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Posted On: October 5th 2026, 03:25 pm

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BREAKING: “DELUSIONAL TO THE VERY END!” The White House prepared a victory feast as Democrats swept the midterms, leaving Trump sitting in the dark, FURIOUS and practically speechless!

Trump’s aides were so convinced Republicans would win Tuesday’s elections that they ordered platters of sliders and eggrolls from the Cheesecake Factory for a victory celebration.

By 10 p.m., the food sat untouched in the East Room as White House officials fled to downtown Washington bars to drown their sorrows.

According to White House insiders who spoke to the Daily Mail, Trump retreated upstairs with his ever-present binkie Natalie Harp and Chief of Staff Susie Wiles, watching one Republican defeat after another.

“He’s watching Fox News barely uttering a word and paralyzed into silence,” one insider revealed. Another described the residence as “very, very dark” and added, “It’s a dark scene.”

But the most astonishing part? Trump’s inner circle apparently believed Republicans would EXPAND their congressional majorities. Advisers kept feeding him rosy predictions right up to the bitter end.

“They were delusional right until the very end,” one insider told the Mail.

As Democrats swept both the House and Senate, finger-pointing began. One adviser was reportedly sweating profusely while others discussed who would get fired first (we’re looking at you, Pentagon Pete).

Trump eventually found his voice on Truth Social, blaming Fox News and Republican Gov. Greg Abbott for the disaster.

“I wasn’t on the Ballot and if I was, we would have won IN A LANDSLIDE,” he declared.

After two years of surrounding himself with people who treat his every pronouncement as gospel, it appears Trump’s advisers have swallowed the Kool-Aid so completely they’ve lost the ability to distinguish his fantasies from political reality.

And somewhere in the White House, there’s a mountain of uneaten Cheesecake Factory eggrolls and sliders.

Happy Halloween from Whoville