Mare Bear Lee

Oopth. I forgot to post about our anniversary back on 10/10. 🫢Lol!

After having endured coercive/narcissistic abuse in an intimate relationship, it's hard to resist not falling in love with a new person's potential instead of falling in love with the person's actual self growth. This leads to a stronger bond with reality instead of the facade of a hypothetical improvement.

It's never a negative to stay diligent on holding yourself & your partner accountable on the avoidance of falling back to toxic behaviors. Feeling safe in your relationship doesn't mean that you throw caution to the wind by obliviously thinking "they'll never hurt you," as that comes in many forms & dynamics. Pointing out grievances in mature ways is not nagging - it's an opportunity to coherently tackling disagreements in open conversations before things escalate to resentment & neglect.

What I find extremely appreciative is the support we continue to have for each other as:
*I navigate the decentering of men - all the while he has put in the work into understanding that this doesn't translate into me turning into a man-hater or to internalize it to mean that I don't care about him
*he appreciates the patience I've shown to allow him to change from someone with anxious attachment into developing into someone who has secure attachment
*he understands that my body is changing hormonally, which can cause fluctuations in moods and physical ailments
*I study and gather effects of ADHD both how it affects him medically and mentally

Finding balance to allow each other's growth/healing by the navigation of our childhood traumas, understanding & validating how they helped shape our defensive mechanisms, by keeping opens minds as we keep encouraging each other for improvement - especially without the guidance of a therapist or life coach - is exponentially challenging. Tackling the uncomfortbility by asking tough questions and giving ourselves the grace that we might not know the answers at the moment is challenging to maintain over the years. So far we've done it and we continue to work on it. And we keep on making small, active changes.

I'm proud of us. I appreciate us. I love you.