SSAFA, the Armed Forces charity

Domestic abuse can affect anyone. It’s estimated that more than 3,000 men in the #armedforces are experiencing domestic abuse at any one time.

@ssafaofficial's RAF Welfare Officer, Juliet Osborne, shares her insight into the issue and offers advice for male victims and the people supporting them.

Male victims of domestic abuse (DA) in the military are not rare, and recognising and supporting them is a vital part of my role as a Welfare Officer. Since taking on this work, I’ve supported more male victims of DA than female victims. This was a real eye-opener for me.

For men serving in the UK Armed Forces, many worry about what others might think or how it could affect their career. In my experience, a common fear is that no-one will believe them.

Well-meaning comments such as “You’re stronger than her” or “Why don’t you just leave?” can intensify that shame, even when no harm is intended.

DA often leaves no visible injuries. In the cases I’ve supported, there have been examples of physical violence, coercive control, isolation, and food deprivation.

Someone may appear to be coping while privately struggling.

For serving fathers, threats involving their children can be particularly devastating. An abusive partner may say things like "You’ll never see the children again," or threaten to stop contact if the victim leaves, reports the abuse, or refuses to comply.

For friends and colleagues supporting a male victim, language matters. They might use these or similar phrases:

"I’m glad you told me."
"You’re not imagining it."
"You don’t have to deal with this on your own."
"Let’s look at what support is available and how SSAFA can help."

My priority as a Welfare Officer is always immediate safety and safeguarding, especially where there are threats, stalking, escalating behaviour, violence, or concerns about children.

It’s also important to be clear about confidentiality and its limits, when safeguarding or legal duties may apply. Transparency and honesty, while ensuring he feels heard and valued, are key.

If you are a male victim of domestic abuse, you’re not weak, and asking for help is not a failure. #domesticabuseawarenessmonth