Instagram story viewer> @blackouttrudes> Posts

Trudi

@blackouttrudes

685

followers

3063

following

• Sexual assault survivor healing my trauma all over the world, life maxing + helping others dream big
• Narcissistic Abuse + Trauma Recovery student

POSTS STORIES REELS

3 years ago I was physically assaulted and ended up in hospital for days.

Then I was sexually assaulted repeatedly by multiple men.

That’s when the stalking really took off, trying to scare me into not doing statements about it then the big kicker, my business was burnt down whilst I was negotiating a sale.

I felt like my life was over. I’d just got out of the chaos of drug addiction and I was fighting to stay clean whilst all this was happening.

I felt so much sadness. I lost my income, I lost my assets, who even was I without working 14 hour days, 6 days a week.
My identity was my success.

I stayed in bed for close to a year, battling depression, struggling with the adjustment, anxious and scared.
I had moved back in with my parents because I couldn’t look after myself, isolating because I was too scared to even go to the supermarket on my own until 1 day I’d had enough.

No more!

I decided I needed to get my head straight.
Stop having a victim mentality.
Start being proactive.
Chase goals again.
Pivot and adapt to my new life.

Now my life is full of blessings, travel, happiness and building my community back up again.

Grateful for the lessons and experiences that have put me where I am now.

You can’t break someone that refuses to quit.

#domesticviolenceawareness #domesticabuseawareness #domesticviolencesurvivor #sexualassault #sexualassaultawareness by @blackouttrudes

POV: You stopped waiting for the perfect life and started living the moments that make it beautiful. 🌴☀️🐾

Sunshine, good vibes and a little adventure. Life really is about the little things. ❤️

Now tell me… if you could escape anywhere tomorrow, where would you go? Bali beaches, a mountain hideaway or somewhere completely unexpected? ✈️

👇 Comment your dream destination, tag your adventure buddy and let’s see who’s ready to pack a bag and disappear! 🌍💛

#bali #canggu #seminyak #healthy #recovery by @blackouttrudes

The best thing I’ve done was to pack my bags and get on a plane ✈️

No plan
No itinerary
No one to travel with

Took my parents to #bali
Danced in the streets of Germany at the #loveparade
Went to #berghain
Lost my luggage in Athens
Swam in the Greek Islands
Had plastic surgery in Turkey
Came back to Bali and did #ayahuasca

Was I scared - absolutely
Would I do it again - in a heartbeat
Where to next - no idea

#YOLO by @blackouttrudes

The cleaner at my villa is about to pop, she’s 8 months pregnant 🤰👩🏼‍🍼👶🏼

So today I got my driver to take me to a baby shop and I got her all the things she needs for a newborn.

Also got bubbles to give to all the kids that play near where I live 🫧🫧

My life isn’t about having the most money, sure I am lucky because I can spend a few years travelling but I just want to be of value to the people I meet. I bought a little girl a bag of chips today and the mum nearly cried at the generosity.
Big for her, minuscule to me.

Small gestures can make a big impact on other people lives, even if it’s just putting a spring in their step or a story to share of a girl with weird tattoos!

It doesn’t take much to be a good human 🫶🏼

#bali #canggu #seminyak #kuta #ubud by @blackouttrudes

Last night I did Ayahuasca for the 4th time 🍃🪾🤮

I set my intention, “show me how to move forward with my life now that I’ve had such profound healing.”
It’s like I have to learn who I am all over again now that I’m not carrying such a heavy weight on my shoulders, since doing #ayahuasca 3 times prior and asking for healing.

Expected to see direction.
Hoped to see business ideas.

What I saw is what I’ve been digging my heals onto the ground, avoiding like the elephant in the room. I’ve been avoiding this because I know the work involved to conquer it and I know it will be hard but this is what #motherayahuasca has shown me twice now…

Sensuality.

Life after #sexualassault means I’ve avoided connections with people. I avoid s e x and pleasure. I avoid being feminine.
I’m scared.

Fear has been controlling me.
I need to let go.
Pleasure is my right.

It’s time to let this last part of my hurt go.

#dmt #healing by @blackouttrudes

Smile makeover in Bali 📸

I decided I wanted a prettier smile after years of drug abuse - my teeth weren’t bad but I wanted to improve my smile before it got bad.

I’m terrified of the dentist so the least I have to visit the dentist the better!

I visited @cs_dental_bali in #kuta for 10 #veneers on my top teeth, just opting to do my top because I was scared of the discomfort and how they would turn out.

@drg.cindysaconk over delivered on my expectations so I knew I would eventually come back to do my bottom teeth and I did; just 2 months later I flew back to Bali to do them, this time visiting @cs_dental_canggubali

My bottom teeth were heavily overcrowded and I was given options to straighten them first before doing another 10 veneers but I opted to go with near enough is good enough, not wanting to commit to anymore dental visits than necessary. @m.adrn.s over delivered again, completely changing my smile in a total of 4 visits and 1/4 of what it would have cost back home.

Was it worth it - absolutely!
Am I still scared of the dentist - yes.
Would I do it again - 100%

#smilemakeover #dentist #canggu by @blackouttrudes

Fresh hair feels 💁🏼‍♀️

- deep shine treatment
- shoulder + arm massage
- blow dry
- hollywood curls
- sneaky mocktail

@theroutinebali

#bali #canggu #hairextensions #blondehair #tattoo by @blackouttrudes

Like I mean I would have a boyfriend if a man came and put me over his shoulder like a caveman but until then I’m just out here on my own in the wilderness, battling off lions tigers and bears, oh my!

I FaceTimed with some extended family yesterday and the 1st question I got was “have you found a fella yet” while I’ve been travelling.
Absolutely not was my response, too many goals and dreams to chase.

Why are we programmed to think we must have a partner!?

I’ve already been married, had kids, owned a huge house, I’ve opened and run a successful business; haven’t I earned my ‘me time!?’

When do we reach the peak and can say we’ve made it and achieved everything we’re supposed to as an adult?

Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to meet the social norms?

Where’s all my single girlies and guys 🫶🏼🤍✨

#quotes #dating #wellness #sexualassault #domesticviolence by @blackouttrudes

The Bali effect ✨

My mindset has changed so much the last 4 months since I started travelling but especially the last 2 months since I’ve been back in #bali

It’s mind blowing how much I use to think about the #sexualassault I endured and everything else that comes along with it

- sadness
- emptiness
- deep sorrow
- learned helplessness
- loss of identity
- shame

Sometimes I feel guilty for how happy I feel now, like it lessens the severity or the impact of the #domesticviolence - I feel like it somehow invalidates how much I struggled with my #mentalhealth if I’m thriving now.

I feel like I’m cheating on my trauma!

Doing #ayahuasca has definitely made a profound change in the way I think now and even if I tried I can’t feel those 👆🏻 emotions if I try.

Shame….. pffft, get the fuck outta here!

I don’t care who hates me.
I don’t care if my success is different to yours.
I don’t care what anyone else is doing.

I just want to do what I want to do, when I want to. I’m not afraid to chase happiness anymore.

This is what healing looks like. It’s been chaotic and messy, loud and very public but I didn’t realise I’ve been healing all this time. by @blackouttrudes

Adventure #54678 on this journey of saying ‘fuck yes’ to living large!

We missioned 3 hours to #lovina in the back of a car with 2 men that were strangers from the beach, to take us to the black sand beaches at #lovinabeach to swim with the dolphins.

Sitting at the front of the boat, sun baking while the music played from a jbl speaker - that’s my definition of made it in life.

Rad day seeing the dolphins with my new mate @erik_dolphinadventure

#tattoogirl #tattoo by @blackouttrudes

School drop off done right

#mumlife #melbourneshuffle #eatsleepraverepeat by @blackouttrudes

I’m turning 43 next week

Don’t own a house anymore
Divorced
Haven’t worked for over a year

I use to think this meant failing at life but what I have now is freedom!

No commitments
Full time travelling
Kids can visit me in different countries
A happiness I didn’t know I was missing out on

I use to work 70 hours a week as a standard in my business, I sacrificed so many important things because I was always busy.

Can I do this forever? Probably not.
I’ll just go home and get a job when I have to - my worst case scenario is most peoples normal life but I will have spent years collecting experiences, healing + being happy.

Fuck the matrix.

#lifestyle #travel #lifelessons #bali

If you knew it would workout, would you pickup and leave your current life or do you like the security of routine!? by @blackouttrudes