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Cypress, CA
Assistant Basketball Coach with @biola_mbb
Director of Operations in Student Development with @biolauniversity

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$5 years ago, my good friend took his own life and I was one of the first to find him. 5 years later, I wanted to honor the life he lived and share what grieving has been like. This video is for Christian. For those struggling. For those walking alongside. For those walking ahead without them. For me. For you. For us. // special thanks to @jeremy.lup7 for helping me put this together. Love you bro \\ by @colton.meo$

lil photo dump from the last year and a half

Coached a couple places, worked a couple jobs, made a couple friends

Grateful for the SoCal folks who’ve welcomed me into their homes, workplaces, gyms, and lives.

Still trying to teach Iggy how to swim (he likes the beach tho) by @colton.meo

This is my 86 year old Sicilian grandpa, "Nanu."

Over the last couple years, I have been slowly working through his life story and compiling them into an actual book. For Christmas this year, I was able to surprise him with his very own published autobiography "My Life as I Remember It."

He's the first generation of my family born in America in the steel town of Johnstown, PA. For the vast majority of 86 years, he has kept a journal and records about everything he did and a history of our Sicilian family.

I'm so grateful for the work, perseverance, and sacrifices of this man. He's the person I relate to most in terms of my personality in my family and probably the genetic reason I went bald (he went bald at 18 lol).

He's the reason I have a deep love of pizza, pasta, and all things carbs, as well as my restless spirit and grinding personality. He's the reason I take long walks, especially after eating. He's the reason I love the Pittsburgh Steelers (by indoctrinating his son who indoctrinated me). He's the reason I hope to spend more of my life on the island of Sicily so I can be surrounded by more people like him. He's the reason I'm so proud to be Sicilian and a part of the rich history of Sicilian/Italian Americans.

I'm forever grateful for the life he's lived and for the years he still has left in my life. by @colton.meo

This lil group here (missing a few) has been in each other's lives since 5th grade through small groups, fantasy football, and killing scorpions in my backyard at 1am -- @bitsaaayy, you got a good one in Mason! by @colton.meo

$\\ Life update // I'm moving to the LA/OC area in a couple months! Have some exciting opportunities down in the area and excited to move back to socal I have absolutely loved my almost 5 years in Seattle! I've had so many amazing friends, workplaces, and experiences that I'll miss dearly. Wanted to post about it so y'all (the interwebs) would be updated but also to share some pics from some of my favorite memories/people here in Seattle :) by @colton.meo$

Happy wedding to you beautiful people (and yes, I take all the credit for this marriage). Love y'all @jd_carpenter @kaelyn by @colton.meo

Very lucky to call these people friends, family, and faith community. Couldn't imagine doing Jesus-stuff any other way! by @colton.meo

It's been a year since Christian died. I miss that dude a lot. There are no words to describe the loss of him, nor the last year without him. This anniversary of his death is complex, layered, and messy.

In a lot of ways, this last year has been a year of death for me

Death of a friend
Death of a relationship
Death of a family member
Death of dreams
Death of my hair follicles
Death of my control and mental stability
Death of my career
Death of my walls and emotional barriers
Death of my capacity and capabilities
Death of hiding my weaknesses and insecurities
Death of my need for vengeance
Death of pretending I'm stronger than I am
Death of tomorrow's certainty
Death

I had 30 panic attacks/PTSD flashbacks in a 3 month window. They'd happen every 5 days, sometimes every 5 hours. Occasionally, I'd wake up at 2am mid-flashback and absolutely drenched in sweat.

Beyond those 3 months, I've died a hundred more deaths in the last year. Each one just as hard as the other.

Some deaths have been just that--death

Other deaths have been quite the opposite--life

Death is a part of life. Death is the end we will all face. Death is the elephant in the American, sanitized room of comfort we all live in.

Grief is truly the one human experience we all share. We will all have someone close to us die. Yet, we in the western world have no clue as to how to handle grief and death.

In my faith, death is also a paradox. Death and life are somehow connected. Death is actually a doorway. Through death comes life.

So, I've chosen to embrace death. I've chosen to stare at my naked self in the mirror and face whatever is there, no matter how ugly it is. I've chosen to jump right into death. I've fallen backwards into the pools of death and let death's waters wash over me.

Sorrow digs the well that Hope's waters fill. And damn, my well's been dug incredibly deep this year. But, hope is coming.

I truly believe that if you're willing to face death, you might find life. If you're willing to embrace suffering, you might find joy. If you're willing to embrace fear, you might find peace.

I'm grateful for the deaths I've died.

I'm grateful to be alive and live in the life to come. by @colton.meo

Got the gang together again for a beautiful wedding. Love y'all @jacobsnotdramatic @spenc_jo by @colton.meo

Cute wedding for cute bride and groom with cute housechurch people. Love y'all @kvkinthewild @trenton_jay by @colton.meo

This marks the 1 year anniversary of our lil house church/Sunday brunch/garage church/simple church. We are missing a few beloved people but it's been a joy to walk with all of them over that time.

Just a year ago, a couple of us met together to talk through what church could look like beyond the prevailing Sunday service church-building model. We wanted something relational, organic, in the flow-of-life, and like something those 1st century Christians had. We wanted to follow Jesus more-intentionally, with more of our lives involved.

We still haven't figured it out. We've changed and adjusted many times. We haven't cracked the magic code on God and humanity.

But, above all, we've become family. These are my people.

I personally can't imagine going to an stage-focused, budget-oriented, non-participatory church in these last few months. I wouldn't have made it.

I needed to look in the eyes of those beautiful, messy, complex souls across from me, rather than simply sit in a row and stare at a stage of gifted musicians and powerful lecturers.

I needed to talk through the challenging and beautiful stories of Jesus with the people that intimately know my beautiful and challenging story, not simply listen to a pastor who I really don't know.

I needed to encounter God in myself and in the hearts of those around me, not just through a well-written verse with good chord progressions

I needed church to be something I was, not something I attended for a few hours each week.

I don't think I'm ever gonna go back to that prevailing model. I can't "go" to something that I already am. I don't need those buildings, lectures, and concerts to follow the Jesus in the Gospels.

But this is just me. This is what I needed. I'm not trying to get anyone to leave their buildings. Those buildings, concerts, and lectures look awesome.

I just couldn't stay there anymore. I couldn't learn how to "be" the church when I was forced to sit and watch "church" happen like a Broadway show or comedy club. I couldn't have faced the deaths of these last 6 months and found life without this.

I love Jesus. I love people. And for the first time in a while, I love church again. by @colton.meo

I've experienced a lot of loss and death over the last few months. But in the midst of all of that, these friends have brought life. Happy Wedding Levi and Sabrina ❤️

/// I have just started feeling like myself again. Most of my January and February was spent trying to survive my PTSD flashbacks and consequent anxiety/despair. But in all of that, these friends (amongst many others + therapy + meds + housechurch + books) have been there to keep me going.

They've shown me that there's light at the end of the tunnel. That there's hope after heartbreak, joy after suffering, calm after chaos, peace after fear, and home after wandering. That even in the darkest of rooms, a single match can light it up. That pain is often a sign that love is alive. That sometimes to experience the greatest joys of life, you have to open yourself up to the deepest hurts of life. And that if you're willing to stare at death long enough, you may just see life springing up.

We see this all around us. The wildfire devastates and destroys, but also provides the perfect soil for new life. The volcanic regions of our earth become tropical paradises. The best way to heal and conquer fear is to actually face it head on. In my family, we've had babies born right as grandparents depart. In my faith, the Roman torture device of the crucifix becomes the symbol of hope for billions. Our tears are even shaped like seeds.

Just wanted to stop in and say thank you to those who have walked with me and prayed for me. I don't know if I would be as hopeful and feel as back to normal if I didn't have you and the beauty of Jesus with me.

Ps. Also, I shaved my head lol by @colton.meo

Colton Meo

@colton.meo