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Ian Hayward-Balash

@ijhbalash

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Bodybuilding | Motorsport | Adventure
🇺🇸🇮🇹🏁
Find me on a bench, a track, or a cruise 🏋🏎️🎢🛳️
Fleet & Transportation
My Design Work @ihbdesign

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It’s safe to say there are some Spanish fans on this cruise! #FIFA #fifaworldcup2026 #spain #cruise #norwegiangem by @ijhbalash

I used to think — swear, even — that I’d never make this post.

It wasn’t until this month when I even considered it and, if I did, what I would say. Some of you may already know, or may have already guessed, but I want to share something I’ve kept hidden since I was 12.

I’m gay.

My entire life, I’ve known two irreconcilable truths: being gay is a terrible sin, yet despite all my efforts to “fix” it — prayer, fasting, abstinence, church retreats — I’m unchangeably, undeniably gay. I thought I was an abomination completely at odds with my faith. Yet why wouldn’t God cure me of this thing He’s supposed to hate?

I felt, “God doesn’t care about me.” Eventually, though, it started to become, “Maybe God never hated this in the first place.”

I don’t want this to devolve into a theological debate, but I’d be happy to share what I learned on the journey to accept that I just might not be damned for wanting a committed, loving relationship with a man.

For years, I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone with this. I was afraid of judgment, rejection, or simply becoming the subject of gossip, all things I regretfully did to maintain my cover. I was afraid of seeing my own struggle reflected back at me, or worse, anyone paying too close attention to notice my similarities.

Looking back, one of the saddest realizations is how wrong I was. Some had walked the same road; others would’ve supported me without hesitation. I could’ve had that camaraderie and learned to accept myself much sooner. But the key takeaway is this:

I hated myself for years, and now I don’t.

I wanted to share that with you all in the spirit of Pride Month, something I used to scoff at and fear. I’m proud to be who I am. I can’t thank my wonderful friends enough for supporting me through this. And I’m so happy to have started building community where I don’t live in fear of accidentally cracking my façade.

I’ve been soft-launching this for the past year since coming out privately to my parents. I don’t know if you all will accept it; frankly, it isn’t anyone’s business. But after fighting it for so long, to my own detriment, I’m not hiding this anymore.

Happy Pride 🌈 #comingout #gaychristian #gay by @ijhbalash

It was an easy walk home last night. (Not pictured: the -8°C wind chill)

#snow #beachboy #travel #cortina #dolomites by @ijhbalash

2025 was a year of growth and adventure. Let’s see what 2026 has in store 💪

#happynewyear #travel #adventure #2025 #2026 by @ijhbalash

Sometimes you’re working with champions, sometimes you’re turning yourself into a cover model. ‘Tis the life of a designer 😂 I hope y’all had a great Halloween!

#happyhalloween #halloween #fabio #romancebookstagram #booktok #halloweencostume #graphicdesign #photoshop by @ijhbalash

Mentally I’m still here #santorini #greece #royalcaribbean #cruise #cruiselife by @ijhbalash

POP QUIZ: While in port in Athens, did I:

A) Trek all the way into town to see everything again even though I’ve spent several days there before, or

B) Ride the Perfect Storm slides 14 times and attempt the FlowRider?

#cruiselife #royalcaribbean #cruise #athens #acropolis #exploreroftheseas #flowrider #cruiseaddict by @ijhbalash

Missing Mykonos mightily on this morose Milanese Monday

#mykonos #greekisles #greece #cruiselife #cruise #royalcaribbean #eliabeach by @ijhbalash

Santorini sun ☀️🧿

#santorini #greece #cruise #cruiselife #royalcaribbean #exploreroftheseas by @ijhbalash

Raise your glass in a toast to this guy! 🍻 Happy Father’s Day to a man I’m proud to call my dad! #happyfathersday #fathersday #dad by @ijhbalash

Happy Mother’s Day to this wonderful woman! My life is blessed by having you in it, and I couldn’t be where I am today without all your love and support. Sending love and hugs from across the ocean ❤️

#happymothersday #mymom #travelbuddy by @ijhbalash

Still big, just for different reasons 💪

A photo popped up from 9 years ago, and I was amazed at how far I’ve come. When you lift, it’s so easy to get frustrated when you don’t see day-to-day progress. So thank you, Facebook Memories, for reminding me of what I’ve accomplished so far and proving that it’s worth it to keep going, even if it feels fruitless in the moment.

Happy #FlexFriday everyone!

#bodybuilder #fitness #beforeandafter #weightlifting #muscle #gym by @ijhbalash