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LC von Hessen

@lcvonhessen

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Writer/performer/artist/creep.
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BlueSky: @lcvonhessen.bsky.social

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Dexter did not vote today (he's too young and also a cat) but I did by @lcvonhessen

Some Halloween photos:
1) Our host as Chop Top from TCM 2 (I was the only one at the party who got it; hopefully this costume will find more appreciation on Ye Internette)
2) Sharing libations with my date
3) A bear with an amazing trout or maybe salmon bag full of Swedish Fish
4) Elizabeth Holmes and Nathan Fielder
5) A very dapper Teddy Roosevelt
6) A nun (who brought her own bottle of holy water)
7) My date and me 🔪🫀
8) An astronaut
9) Betty Boop
10) Chucky and Tiffany Valentine-Ray by @lcvonhessen

Halloween is the one time of year I actually look forward to the subway because I can check out all the costumes. Even the signs were getting into it this year (the ghost onscreen was animated).

Best subway costume: a couple's costume of "Sexy Statler and Waldorf" (I wish I'd asked them for a photo!)

Worst, arguably not a costume: two teenage boys, possibly twins, in matching "hypergamy" shirts featuring a diagram of that dumbass manosphere concept. I was wondering whether they actually believed that bullsh!t or it was some kind of ironic costume when one of them commented "yo, hypergamy, bro! I'm gonna be UP HERE" [indicating one of the three guys in the diagram getting all the chicks] 🤢 by @lcvonhessen

The NYC marathon runs down the block from my apartment and every Sunday post-Halloween I'm woken up at like 9 AM by sporadic cheers outside by @lcvonhessen

So uhhh my husband and I saw you across the bar and we really 🔪 your vibe

#brideofchucky #tiffanyvalentine #halloween2026 #chuckyandtiffany #childsplay by @lcvonhessen

Monty would like to remind you all that he is very handsome 👑 by @lcvonhessen

Catching up with my kittens' dad during his morning bodega shift

#bodegacat #bodegacatsofnyc by @lcvonhessen

Next up on my reading list 🏚💀🃏♟

#the7thguest by @lcvonhessen

Synchronized washing with Dex and Dee by @lcvonhessen

Unintentionally rearranged my physical media shelf so that Andy now creepily glowers at me through the bedroom door

#andymilligan #severinfilms #boutiquebluray by @lcvonhessen

Went to see The Devils at Alamo Drafthouse on Sunday, the Lord's day. Fun fact: one of my great-great-aunts was actually a nun (Sister Zita!) by @lcvonhessen

So the "advice" doled out in this column makes me INCREDIBLY fucking angry as a former kid who was repeatedly taken to task by teachers for "inappropriate" drawings, culminating in a 9th-grade suspension spurred by Columbine paranoia and residual Satanic Panic. Arionne here says that was JUSTIFIED.

"It's okay to suspend a 3rd-grader for drawing a zombie because schools need to be hypervigilant about signs of a potential school shooter" fucking LISTEN to yourself. THE VAST MAJORITY OF PEOPLE WHO LIKE HORROR ARE NOT DANGEROUS.

"You need to hide any interest in 'dark' things or adults will think you're dangerous and act accordingly" is an INCREDIBLY damaging thing to teach a kid. What I experienced as "punishment" for being into dark/weird shit and making creepy art was ultimately traumatizing and taught me I couldn't trust adult authority figures. Obviously this had long-term ramifications well into my adult life.

I never went on to murder anyone, but I AM a published horror writer. How about that?

I really hope the mom doesn't take Arionne's garbage advice and stands by her kid's art. Let kids be weird for fuck's sake.

#badadvice by @lcvonhessen