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Rose🌹

@lil_spicy_nug

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WA📍Mi🏡
Helping people is my passion🩵
RIP Gma 12/16/19
RIP Matt 6/22/17

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Honestly a game to remember .
So lucky I got to go because it was such a fun time. Everyone was so hyped up . So cool to see people dressed up and their costumes and for us to dress up made it even more memorable.
One of my fav games Ive been to.
SUPER pissed we lost at the end …. Shouldn’t have happened but still so fun.
Thanks @detroitredwings for putting us on tv and the Jumbotron, even though you caught us off guard.😒

And shout out to @spookybishh for getting these tickets!! Love you so much💚💚💚 I’m glad I have a new hockey buddy. by @lil_spicy_nug

No caption other than Just exhausted mentally and physically.
👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 by @lil_spicy_nug

Here’s a autisim/adhd post.

Anyone else flap their hands when excited? Scream and make weird noises randomly or when excited ? Anyone else have trouble starting or finishing tasks?
Hyperfocus?
Have strong emotional reactions?
Put your all into things too fast ?
Not knowing an inbetween with too fast or too slow , or even too much or too little ?
Forgetfulness ?
Have problems with needing routine but also being spontaneous?
Burnout because u do too much physically and emotionally?
You mask all the time?
Been told you’re too much your whole life so you minimize your feelings and then you question everything and can’t make decisions?

I’m trying to be more of myself but it’s hard to be myself when I don’t know who I am.

But I’m over here laying in bed got randomly and made weird noises and flapped my hands like a bird lol.
So I figured I’d make a post cause I haven’t really talked about it much..

🙃🙃 by @lil_spicy_nug

Henry ford museum !!
Here’s some photos I took and some videos of us flying paper airplanes! The beginner ones flew the best. ✈️

Been 10ish yearz since I have seen @bk_woodturning . Thanks for inviting me!! 😌 by @lil_spicy_nug

The fits the last few weeks 😌🤟🏼 by @lil_spicy_nug

This is what depression looks like . Looks like crying one day. The next going to a concert. Then getting my favorite foods. Trying on clothes . Laying in bed all day. Trying to look cute. Trying to go for a walk.

Depression isn’t just crying or doing nothing all the time. It comes in many forms.

Also. This is a reminder to take your meds people. lol.

Man , I used to not take meds . I used to be against it but the fucking racing thoughts 24/7. Obsessing over everything 24/7. Etc became too much and I needed help. . I finally got on meds. I tried a few and found one I like . Also got on adhd meds but I haven’t really taken those much anymore.
Anyways.

This is the second time now where I’ve stoped taking my meds . First was about a week and this time idk how long it’s been. Maybe a week maybe less. Man I do not know how people raw dog life without meds . Idk how I did it because the last two fucking nights I haven’t slept because racing thoughts . OMG I FORGOT THIS I GOTTA DO THAT FUCK IM LAZY AF WTF AM I DOING ETC. song in my head etc etc etc. it SUUCCCKKKKKKKKSSSSSS.

But shit .
I also blame my period and pmdd . Shit fucks you up.

It’s so hard to tell what’s doing what when you have so many things happening.

Anyways, I’ve realized I’m depressed cause my car and my room is a mess. So I’m gunna clean it and get my shit together . But also going to try and sit in my feelings and figure out what’s going on.

I’m exhausted from like no sleep. I feel like I’m dead . I don’t wanna work. But as my aunt says “ well that’s life and you gotta work”. Soo here I am.

Also; I feel hella alone and lonely. I know I have people but sometimes you just feel really alone and that’s how I feel right now. But I’ll be okay. It ain’t my first rodeo. .

Ok that’s enough for now.
Thanks for coming to the ted talk.

Also PS- quick add here - does anyone else struggle with going from seeing people to then not seeing people? Like seeing friends or having a busy weekend then back to just yourself? Shit sucks and hits hard. by @lil_spicy_nug

Okaaaayyy first off - just taking 1000selfies cause I never look like a girl.

Second - for all my SINGLE peeps out there this is for you.

MAN LET ME JUST GET IN THE FEELS AFTER A WEDDING AM I RIGHT? Like sheeeessssshhh. GDAMNNNNNN .

Going to a wedding by yourself when you’re single hits different than when you go with a
s/o or even a friend.

It’s been over a year now that I’ve been single. Honestly, probably the longest I’ve been single in a minute.
And I honestly don’t hate it … EXCEPT …MAN AT WEDDINGS DEAR LORD.
The worst is when ALL YOUR FRIENDS are engaged or married and you’re like the only single person there . THEN not only AT the weddings but in general more than half your friends are in a relationship , engaged, or married, and some even have kids. HOT DAMN.

REALLLLYYYYYY hits you with the “what the fuck is wrong with me and what the fuck am I doing wrong?” lol.

Also, like when people who you never thought would get married and you could never see married ARE married . Like OKAYY HOLD UP LOL. wtf .
Like now this is just more insane . Ya know?

Ugh idk man. Really just in the feels tonight thinking about how I’m not where I wanna be . Thinking if I’ll ever find someone who’s genuinely not a POS, and can just love me for my boyish look and sometimes girly ways lol.

Again, totally cool with being single and really loving it . Just in my feels tonight that’s all .

Anyways though, isn’t it just wild? Like I KNOW I’m not the only one who thinks this . So I just needed to post this so yall know you aren’t alone and we are in this BS together.

Now adhd time - another thought …
Fuck, isn’t it crazy how life is so different ? Everything’s so expensive, quality of shit sucks, everything’s about the next best thing, people suck.
What happened to having flying cars? What happened to being scared of the Bermuda Triangle ?
Take me back to the 90s. Take me back to flip phones . Shit take me back to the old bullying days lmfao fuck this cyber bullying . .

ANYWHO I SHOULD SLEEP . Just needdd to vent . Thanks to anyone who reads this. by @lil_spicy_nug

Pt 2 of MCR . An incredible show . 🖤 by @lil_spicy_nug

Pt 1. Of MCR.

Another great concert I attended . Top 5 as well.
Crazy how many people showed up . Incredible performance. Theater and music in one . Love love love. by @lil_spicy_nug

@turnstileluvconnection was an absolute incredible concert that I will never forget.
I haven’t been to a show like this in so long . It toook me back to when I was younger and would go to the local shows all the time . I miss this community and I miss this vibe. One of my top 5 fav concerts forsure.
🩵👏🏼 by @lil_spicy_nug

I shall finish posting friends and then also the amazing concerts I’ve gone to shortly .

Here’s ducks, selfies, hockey, cool sunset cause I wanna say:
(I think I’ve touched on this before) but Some days I’ll get in my head and think . How do I have friends ?

I am always asking myself . What the hell do we even talk about? Not even just with my friends but family to . More so once I know someone . Because obviously when you don’t know someone there’s so much you can talk about but like once you know someone it’s like …. What do I say? Did I talk about this before? Specially since my memories bad.

Honestly as I’m typing this though, maybe it’s because I’ve been masking so much my whole life that since I’ve never really been truly 100% myself (I have a few times) but I think because I haven’t most of the time , I get in my head .

I think this is also why I’ve grown to like being alone. I don’t have to overthink, think about what the person is thinking about , if I’m being awkward.

Also feel like it’s been so long of me trying to be “normal” that I’m just tired.

Ya girl just wants to flap her hands like a bird when she’s excited . Jam to the same music on repeat till she finds something else and go explore without talking . Lmfao.

Really opening up here. lol

Anywho. I also think the older I get the more scared I get because I like being alone. But also because I feel like I’m not as fun anymore. And also I feel like I’m so much more self aware of things I do and how I feel etc that like it’s also ruining things for me a little.

Take me back to when I was young .

Ok bye . 👋🏼 by @lil_spicy_nug

Pt 5 of I love my friends.

So grateful to have met these beautiful souls . Specially my friends out of the country.
Thank you for showing me a whole other world outside of the US. I miss you guys dearly . Thank you for being so supportive and loving and kind.

Now ,
Some of you guys I only chat to once in a blue moon. But I’m still so grateful to have you in my life. I hope you know I’m always here for you guys even if we don’t talk.

Thank you for giving meaning to my life and making it an adventure.

So proud and love each and every one of you. by @lil_spicy_nug