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@malexanderking

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🌱 Vegan 🌱
🎨 Artist 🎨
@m._king._art
Post-Breakup recovery Coach

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Missing someone is not a message telling you to return to them. Sometimes it is simply your attachment looking for somewhere to go.

There will be moments when you miss them so intensely that your mind convinces you the pain itself is evidence that you made the wrong choice.

You remember the good moments.

Their voice. Their touch. The familiarity. The little things that belonged only to the two of you.

And for a moment, your mind doesn’t remember why it ended.

It only remembers what it lost.

You can miss someone and still know the relationship was not good for you. You can love someone and understand that loving them doesn’t mean you are meant to remain connected to them.

You can long for their presence without abandoning yourself to have it again.

The feeling doesn’t require an action.

Sometimes you can simply say:

I miss you.

I wish things had been different.

And I am still choosing myself.

That is not pretending you don’t care.

That is healing.

#healing #selflove #growth by @malexanderking

The Mask Fell Off

Often, someone can feel that they need to create an image of themselves in order to feel loved, accepted, and worthy. But sometimes, their actions and behaviours challenge that carefully constructed persona—or are even completely incongruent with the image they want others to see.

When those actions are exposed, whether through a betrayal, a revelation, or simply information about who they really are, they may feel as though their entire projected identity has been exposed and has come crumbling down. The discomfort of facing that reality, confronting the consequences, and being accountable can become so overwhelming that running away and blocking someone feels easier than staying, sitting in the discomfort, and trying to repair what has been broken.

And this can happen regardless of how much they love you.

They may genuinely love you deeply. But love does not equal capacity. Someone can love you and still lack the emotional capacity to face difficult truths, tolerate shame, take accountability, and remain present through the painful process of repair. So they run.

It is important to understand that their inability to stay and repair is not a reflection of the depth of your love, nor of your value or worth. It is a reflection of their capacity—or their lack of capacity—to sit with discomfort, confront themselves honestly, and do the difficult work required to repair what has been damaged. #healing #healingnotes #strong #relationships by @malexanderking

Part of healing—and the detachment that brings clarity
—is learning to recognize unspoken patterns.
To see beyond what was said
and finally notice what was shown.

When recovering from a breakup, look beyond the words.
Look at the actions. Look at what repeatedly happened,
even when the words told you something different.
Compare how words and actions aligned
at the beginning of the relationship
with how they aligned at the end.

Sometimes, the truth isn’t in what someone said.
It’s in what they consistently showed you.

And that is the clarity you’ve been searching for.
#healing #postbreakup #personalgrowth by @malexanderking

Sunshine all around… by @malexanderking

The more you focus on yourself, the more you begin to realize that the “connection” you felt may have actually been connected to wounds you were subconsciously trying to heal.

They were never your person, your soulmate, or even as remarkable as you once believed.

Healing begins when, instead of looking outward for answers, you turn your attention inward and ask yourself what that “connection” was really stimulating within you.

It doesn’t happen overnight. It doesn’t happen in a few weeks. And it usually isn’t one big moment that suddenly makes everything clear.

It happens quietly—after countless moments of self-reflection—when you finally understand what was being called to your attention.

And instead of remaining focused on the person, you begin to heal the wound beneath it.

That shift is where everything changes.

Because you finally realize that you were always enough, you have always been enough, and you will always be enough. #healing #relationships #selflove by @malexanderking

Summertime walks in Toronto by @malexanderking

Closure doesn’t come from the person who hurt you; it comes from within. It comes when you look inward, self-reflect, and challenge your own thoughts, beliefs, and wounds—and begin to understand the lessons they were meant to teach you.

You feel it when you finally accept that you may never get the answers you wanted, and realize that closure was never dependent on another person’s words. It came from changing your perspective and understanding what you learned.

And then, almost quietly, something shifts. The person who hurt you no longer feels necessary. You no longer need an explanation, an apology, or anything from them.

You just feel… neutral.

And that’s when you know you’re free.

#healing #closure #clarity by @malexanderking

An important part of healing, and one that can be difficult at times, is maintaining your character.

When going through a breakup, there are two ways you can communicate about what happened, and they have very different objectives.

Gossip:
You feel the need to win, to prove that you were the good one and your ex was the bad one. This often comes from fear, and it keeps you tied to your ex energetically and negatively.

Or…

You can communicate that you went through something difficult without badmouthing your ex.

You don’t need to advise people or convince them of who your ex really is. Time has a way of showing people the truth.

You grow when you realize that no matter how much good you did for someone, no matter how well you treated them or how much you cared for them, you can still be written as the bad guy in their story.

And then… you accept that.

You may be hurting. You may even watch people stop talking to you because of what they’ve heard.

But you will always feel better knowing that you chose not to speak badly about someone you once loved.

Choose a trusted few to talk to about what you went through — not with the objective of changing people’s perceptions, but with the intention of understanding yourself, your experience, and the situation.

Healing isn’t about controlling the story people tell about you.
It’s about becoming someone you’re proud of, regardless of the story they tell. by @malexanderking

One year ago. Same place, different me.

Sometimes you find yourself standing in a place you were exactly one year ago, and you realize that, back then, you could never have imagined everything you would go through before returning.

The place may look exactly the same, but your perspective is completely different.

The place you were in, the people you were with—everything can change in an instant. And although you may go through hell during the hardest times, if you keep believing that you just need to keep pushing forward, allow yourself to feel every emotion, and trust that once you make it through, you’ll be okay, something remarkable happens.

Standing in that same place with a new perspective is one of the most powerful reminders of how much you’ve healed. by @malexanderking

One of the best mindsets to help you through a tough breakup is realizing that this is your most powerful window of opportunity to become the person you want to be.
#healing #personalgrowth #grief #windowofopportunity
In the absence of so much, you now have the freedom to do all the things you’ve wanted to do but felt you couldn’t. Take that class, spend time with those friends, and start building the life you want for yourself.

It will be uncomfortable at times, and it will be painful. But keep that window wide open with consistent, positive actions and a healthier perspective, and you’ll be amazed at how much you transform. by @malexanderking

One of the most powerful lessons I learned during my healing journey is that two truths can exist at the same time.

After a breakup, it’s so common to question everything. You wonder what was real and what wasn’t. You question whether the words they said were genuine, whether the love they showed you was real, or whether it was all just an illusion.

For me, this became especially important when I was trying to make sense of infidelity.

Like so many people, I believed that being cheated on was a reflection of me—that somehow I wasn’t enough. But over time, I learned that cheating has far more to do with the other person’s emotional capacity, level of self-awareness, self-worth, and unhealed wounds than it does with the value of the relationship itself.

For some people, cheating becomes a way of temporarily soothing something within themselves. It’s a way of feeling desired, escaping discomfort, or filling emotional voids they haven’t yet learned to face in a healthy way.
That realization changed everything for me.
It taught me that two truths can exist at the same time.

Someone can genuinely love you to the best of their ability, and still choose to betray you. Their love may have been real, but so were their limitations. Their actions were never a reflection of your worth—they were a reflection of their capacity.

Understanding this doesn’t excuse what they did. It simply allows you to stop carrying responsibility for someone else’s choices.
And that’s where your power is.

Because the love you gave was real. The connection you experienced was real. Their inability to protect it doesn’t make it any less real—it only tells you that they weren’t capable of honouring it. by @malexanderking

#love #personalgrowth #healing #mindset by @malexanderking