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Nush the Librarian 🇱🇰🏳️‍⚧️🦉📚

@nushthelibrarian

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From the diary of: (pick a chapter below)
🌸 forever spreading messages
of love & liberation😤
🎧 @musicbynush
🏕️ @descendantsofthepast
#Tamil #British

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From the diary of someone who just loves their friends:

Dear diary,

I can’t help but cackle writing this entry. One of my friends just asked me if I am in love with Rawan. Since ya know, I wrote an entire song just dropping bar on bar about the things I love about her.

And whilst I’m not IN love with her, I am in LOVE with her. Her essence. Her being. Beyond romance. My twin fr.

She spent the last week with me and I was reminded of how much I really do love her and miss living with her - we used to be housemates you see. And they were roommates.

Of course it was so easy to write about her. Of course the rap was done in one take - that was a first. Of course the production and sound engineering came easier than any other project I’ve done before.

Love really is such an amazing driving force for my creativity. More than depression or pain ever was. Both things put the pen back in my hand in 2019 but my journey has shifted so much since then.

The healing that comes with music. The stories and people I can’t wait to share with the world. It has shifted my perspective on so many things now. Including how I love. And who I love.

And that is I guess the beauty of being a hopeful romantic as much as I want to run from the intensity of that love regardless of its nature.

It spurs me on.

- Nush the Librarian 🌸✨ by @nushthelibrarian

She’s like a comet and you can’t miss this ☄️

#thisgirlissomethingelse #newmusic #independentmusician #nushthelibrarian #hopefulromantics by @nushthelibrarian

A day in the life of friends who hang out togedaaa - she be cleanin, I be goofin, we bee laughin aroundd

@grentperez brings it out in us both ehehe by @nushthelibrarian

We’re having a party!!! 🪩🕺

To celebrate a whole decade of building SASS we’re celebrating with our good friends at @forward.culture who also happen to be turning ten!

Things have changed a lot in that time, some of the trailblazing community orgs we took our cues from are no longer around, and some wonderful new community orgs have sprung up on the scene.

It can be hard to keep things going as a team of volunteers behind the scene, but the thing that absolutely makes it 1000x worth it is meeting the people who come to our events and the conversations we have 🫂

So…. we want to celebrate with you!

If you’re a regular, or if you’ve never been to either a SASS or ForwardCulture event before, join us for an evening of food, music and yapping as we toast to the last ten years and look ahead to the future 🎊

For just £15 your ticket includes:
✨ A live performance from @nushthelibrarian
🎤 Special panel discussions
🍕 Pizza by @eastwestlondon
🥤 Soft drinks
🎶 Music, mingling & good conversation

📅 Sunday 22nd November
🕦 6:30pm - 8:45pm
📍 East West Shoreditch

Tix available at the 🔗 in bio

P.S. no idea why this is flagged as AI content it most definitely isn’t!!! Just a film photo from our last winter social by @nushthelibrarian

Dropping a grwm I made for yesterday’s gig with @tamilprofessionalsnetwork later on today as part of the @drumshed_ family 👀👀👀 #eysandakara by @nushthelibrarian

Something that tends to crop up a lot in my life is how vocal I am. Whether it be friends, family or people I met via the internet or events. And it’s always in a positive light in all honesty.

I don’t really hear people speaking ill of me to my face but I know it happens. And I’m absolutely fine with it honestly because the root of my activism was never me. It has always been about being a vessel for others ever since the spirit of liberation has taken ahold of me.

I have seen how my gigging has dropped dramatically since starting to speak up. I know that can also happen when you begin to become more of a spiritual hermit who doesn’t leave the house often 😂 but the combination undoubtedly has impacted how often I perform and who is asking.

What’s been amazing, however, is the shift.

DJing for fellow queer POC. Shoutout to my clients like @_wtfami and @furkibaandh you beaaauttiful people 🥹

Fundraising for various causes. Shoutout to organisers like @london4pal

Working with the young creatives of London through workshop facilitation - shoutout to organisers like @rebelsandpilgrims 🌸

Being in more queer spaces. Shoutout to amazing people like @bolly_illusion for creating those spaces! We need more like that.

The shift has meant so many things but I would be remise if I was to say I would do anything differently.

I am happy to be on this journey of acceptance and change. Will you join me?

- Nush the Librarian x 🌸 by @nushthelibrarian

This is genuinely one of my favourite things that I’ve made to date. I think the love I have for cinema, dance, music and editing really comes together. Mini passion project I guess?

SO excited to share what I’ve been cooking up behind the screens *knee slap* 😉😉😉

Onwardddd >.< - Nush x by @nushthelibrarian

From the diary of a human formerly called Anusha:

Team I think I might be quite happy in life rn. Idk. It’s been nice to be peaceful after a lot going on behind the scenes 🧿

I haven’t updated my social media on life things in a while so I thought to just share since I pretty much use this as a live journal :) I’ve always wanted to be a writer as a child so I thought to try something different here.

First off, Anusha is now a deadname. I’m (un)officially going by Nush now :) a chosen name for a life I unapologetically choose. Fun developmentssss.

I also identify as 🌸trans masc🌸 as well as non-binary. So yeah, let’s dead calling me she/her plsss - respectfully 🫶🏾

If I’m being real, I lost my self confidence lately with a few things - my apperance, my music, love, life. I’ve been struggling with my body dysmorphia and choices.

The things going around the world have been hitting me so heavily because I engage so much every day - I don’t post about everything I read/watch.

But I’m so so grateful that people around me regularly speak on what’s actively happening around the world and how we can help people and animals in places like 🍉 and home. On the ground. In community.

I’m grateful for my family (aka all my people) - they’re so inspiring and grounding 🌸

And also the teachings from Daoism and Islam. They both hold me down so heavily 😮‍💨

I know I said in a previous post that I’ve been a musician for 16 years now. And it’s true. I’ve been gigging since I was 14 - my first show was courtsey of my sister and Mega Maalai (a uni show btw) 😮‍💨. I’m so gassed that I’m seeing out the dream I had a child - perhaps not as envisioned and SO much better. I couldn’t have dreamt this path nor how many things I’ve taught myself LOL

All of this to say: Alhamdulillah for good people, sweet animals, real conversations, diligent activism and music 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

- Nush the Librarian. 🦉📚 by @nushthelibrarian

From the diary of an anxious musician with chronic back pain:

Dear diary,

As a musician for 16 years with chronic back pain since 2020, I’m in such a bind.

I am restricted by a body unaligned with my mind. I’ve steadily progressed the last few years (though my back aches as I write this). I’m tired of my imposter syndrome and doubt.

It’s been a mix of clarity and pain.

Mentally.
Emotionally.
Physically.
Spiritually.

Ibuprofen is often a must when gigging. I can’t wait til I am painkiller-free. I’m grateful that my back is getting better - I’m not stuck bedridden for days after just one gig that lasted less than a few hours. Phew!

I’m still quite nervoous with gigging. I get stage fright. I get a tight chest. My fingers can fumble on guitar strings despite hours of practice. I ruminate.

But there’s so much more to gigs…

I remember why I make music thaniya (‘alone’ in Tamil) in my studio.
I remember why make I make content.
I remember why my slow grounding routine for gigs is important.
I remember why I still practice so hard.

I remember why despite my doubt, I push through.

I get to meet incredible people and listen.

I get to work with people like the @tamilprofessionalnetwork - they do brilliant work helping to support many.

I spend so much time thinking about and working towards being useful to my various communities and causes but rarely get to be in spaces with you. It catches me by surprise if I get recognised (it happens sometimes) - I still don’t really remember or register that it happens until it happens again. It’s actually wild LOL

It’s nice to hear my voice and creativity I’ve taught myself (minus vocal grades as a teen) resonate with real people.
No likes, comments, shares.
No likes or replying to my stories (which I actually really appreciate btw).
Real people.
I’m thankful.
…….

P.S. shout-out to my family @drumshed and our main man @sikdrummer 🦉
I am grateful for opportunities I get as part of them.

This song lives rent free in my head and on my set list 😭💕 @dhee___ did the damn thing! Such a brilliant (relatable) track.

- Nush the Librarian.

#eysandakara #grwm #nushthelibrarian #drumshed #lifeofahopefulromantic by @nushthelibrarian

One thing that really got to me was seeing all the kites flying last Saturday. There was someone selling kites with names of children martyred by the occupation. The ones I was saw were 4 years old.

One thought I hold close to my chest any time I feel so exhausted by what’s going on around the world, f that Palestinians bravely face the kite ban by flying more kites.

You must leave your fear behind if you want to stand up for people. That is something I’m trying to do. Shout-out the 250,000 people who marched for Palestine. May this genocide come to an end.

Viva la Falestin 🌸 by @nushthelibrarian

Post-gig high hits different :) bringing you gender bender vibes regardless of attire 🌸 #transmasc🏳️‍⚧️🌈 #dancefreestyle #likeyou by @nushthelibrarian

Some scenes from yesterday
❤️🖤🤍💚 by @nushthelibrarian