2 years ago
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Posted On: December 21st 2024, 04:38 pm
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What I didn’t realize when I began to put my whole-body health first was how I would become the main character of my own life… then meet my person, with passion & purpose fueled by their path the same.
I didn’t know then when choosing the wealth of my body to be a good home to my soul, that I would stumble head first into harsh lessons of reconditioning things I was taught & reclaiming the things I was taught to never know; or worse, forget.
The great journey, the epic tale of remembering how deeply we belong in this world exactly as we come, not as we learn to be, came after the sacrifice of choosing solitude above all else.
It is unlikely that we will sojourn into a cave one day, and go meet god after days and nights fasted and forgetting anything but the oneness we are and are always recycling back too.
It is why it is so prevalent to seek alternate states of mind, but not sit with self.
To go meet god on dance floors & sweat lodges, in drugs & death & someone else’s embrace.
We get pleasure & suffering & then choice; are we the sensation, or the observer of it?
Are we both?
Can we practice the art of balance; not as a goal but reference point of our circumstances as both a gift and test?
How did I choose my self, and make space for a mate of worthy match?
I chose celibacy for over 2 years.
I was sober & hardly touched any plant medicine. When I did it was ceremonial.
I became my own teacher, rigidly disciplined.
I became my own student again, humble & willing to learn.
I would joke with girlfriends about the healing I felt I had reclaimed in my life. An authority and sovereignty over mindBody… but did I really know, with no intimate mirror of a partner to shine light on what still hides in the dark?
We can always go deeper with self, but the most humbling & beautiful journey I am finding comes with another who is deeply committed to self, and humble to this life too.
I thought my dreams were big alone, and that I had tended this house of a body I intend always to make a home to my very fucking bones… then I met him, and every dream got bigger, and my sense of home, sturdier.
Every woman is a home to a soul that makes a home everywhere she stands.
I didn’t know then when choosing the wealth of my body to be a good home to my soul, that I would stumble head first into harsh lessons of reconditioning things I was taught & reclaiming the things I was taught to never know; or worse, forget.
The great journey, the epic tale of remembering how deeply we belong in this world exactly as we come, not as we learn to be, came after the sacrifice of choosing solitude above all else.
It is unlikely that we will sojourn into a cave one day, and go meet god after days and nights fasted and forgetting anything but the oneness we are and are always recycling back too.
It is why it is so prevalent to seek alternate states of mind, but not sit with self.
To go meet god on dance floors & sweat lodges, in drugs & death & someone else’s embrace.
We get pleasure & suffering & then choice; are we the sensation, or the observer of it?
Are we both?
Can we practice the art of balance; not as a goal but reference point of our circumstances as both a gift and test?
How did I choose my self, and make space for a mate of worthy match?
I chose celibacy for over 2 years.
I was sober & hardly touched any plant medicine. When I did it was ceremonial.
I became my own teacher, rigidly disciplined.
I became my own student again, humble & willing to learn.
I would joke with girlfriends about the healing I felt I had reclaimed in my life. An authority and sovereignty over mindBody… but did I really know, with no intimate mirror of a partner to shine light on what still hides in the dark?
We can always go deeper with self, but the most humbling & beautiful journey I am finding comes with another who is deeply committed to self, and humble to this life too.
I thought my dreams were big alone, and that I had tended this house of a body I intend always to make a home to my very fucking bones… then I met him, and every dream got bigger, and my sense of home, sturdier.
Every woman is a home to a soul that makes a home everywhere she stands.
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