This has been on my mind a lot lately. Depending on how long our history is, you may be aware of how much I fucking hate this word. And I’ll clarify some things in a minute but since I know none of y’all are going to read all of this (ok Jenna might she’s really supportive like that):
Please do not use the word “queer” in reference to me. If you say “your queer friends,” say, just understand that that grouping doesn’t include me.
Yes, historically I have used the word to describe others and myself, because the world is always changing and you need to keep up. I am not at all mad if you’ve used it to describe me. I have tried to adapt, but I hate it. I hate it so much and what’s the point in accepting a label that you hate and which doesn’t accurately define you anyway?
Things I AM NOT SAYING:
- I’m not saying it’s a bad word people shouldn’t use.
- I’m not saying you shouldn’t respect those who choose to use it.
- I’m not saying that people who choose to use it for themselves are ignorant or uninformed.
- im not saying trans people aren’t their correct gender; I don’t know how these things became conflated, but let me be very clear: trans women are women, trans men are men, that’s just fact. Has nothing to do with how I feel about this word.
I AM SAYING:
- words have power. Queer in particular is a powerful word. It should be used respectfully and accurately.
- it’s a pretty loaded word. It’s no longer a slur, I get that, but I’m 41 years old. And while it’s mildly appalling that this makes me an “elder” of some sort, well, I’m on that side of that particular line, and I really don’t think anyone is benefiting by people who just feel shame and anxiety around that word feeling obligated to use it.
- if you’re young, “learn your history” doesn’t just mean aids, stonewall and same-sex marriage. It’s only a short few decades ago that lgbt individuals were considered inherently predatory and assumed to be child m*******s. Words like “queer” weren’t just taunts to make people feel bad; they were potentially reputation-ruining. Plenty of people from that lovely era are still alive.
Continued in comments
2 years agofinleyforever
queer is a word with multiple meanings. To some people it’s political; to some people it just means “not cishet.” (Because of this it’s also not an inherently inclusive word.). Type in “queers for” or “queers against” and see how many autofill options you get. I am not comfortable using a politically charged term to describe myself. I don’t use the words liberal, leftist, socialist or progressive anymore either, because they’ve become identities people expect you to shape yourself into rather than a label for concisely explaining yourself. The only word I use is “democrat” because that’s an objective fact; it’s the party I’m registered into. I simply have the beliefs and opinions I do. Those tend to align me more with some groups than others, that is true, but I decline those labels for the same reason. “If you want to call yourself a queer/liberal/whatever, you need to say this and do this” has never been how I operate and my response is always the same: okay. I will no longer call myself that. Doesn’t mean I now hate them or disagree with everything they stand for. Simply that I am not one. And I’m fine with that. To sum up: I am an exclusively women-attracted AFAB individual. I’m a woman, but that is less exclusive, however no label out there really sums up my gender experience to my knowledge (is there one that means “99% female but like also 10% male?” I am confident my math checks out btw.). (My gender experience is however extremely m/f binary specific so I’m not nonbinary either). To quote Nick diRamio, my pronouns are anything but “ma’am.” (I prefer people to choose what they think suits me, as I genuinely don’t care.). I identify as a lesbian. (There were periods I tried to make being bi work; it just wouldn’t take). I do not identify as queer. I ask that you respect that.
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