rin

it’s been a while since I’ve had full blown psychosis. since I’ve seen the shadow people. im worried that if I speak my truth they will return. the truth being that…i miss them. sadistic, i know. but is it because of the cruel realisation that i am “getting better” and that they no longer seek my pain, and that i, in turn no longer crave their twisted companionship? or is it a sinister reminder that i am utterly alone, yet still ache for their visitations, despite the terror and fear they evoke within me.

i miss them. i miss the sensation of losing myself completely, of my sanity cracking it and all i see is darkness, and the void, in which they crawl out of. i miss their voices. the visceral screams, the profanity. it’s been so long, but does that mean they’re truly gone? do they linger, waiting, preying upon my next unraveling, my next descent into madness? or perhaps, in some perverse symmetry, do they miss me too? do they wish to comfort me in my tormented, twisted solitude? maybe i too bring them a sense of comfort. solace. after all, we are the only creatures that understand each other. that can see each other. i mean truly see each other. no mask. no disguise. no facade. i wonder, when will they return? for now, all i see are the bugs. and i do not like bugs.

16.09.25