A - Amma, I think I am finally ready to cut my hair.
Me - Okay, are you sure? You have found your reason to cut your hair?
Also, whether all your doubts are addressed? Like, how I would look if I keep it long versus short? Whether it will suit my face if it is short hair or what if I don't like after cutting it short?
A - Yes Amma, I know why I want to cut it short now and I am ready to go for it.
Ruggedrani thoughts - One of the thing I had decided long before I became a parent was to respect my child's body autonomy. A friend during my hostel days had shared how she always wanted long hair and her mother did not allow due to the hassle of maintaining it. She shared she felt very sad, so that story stayed with me.
So I practised respecting my child body autonomy by giving her choices in allowing her to pick dresses in the colour she liked from the time she was 2.5 years. Giving her options to choose from type of dress amd accessories she would wear and allowing her to decide the kind of hairstyle and make up she wanted to use whenever neccessary (after she turned 5yrs). I also never insisted on dresses or shoes when she said she was uncomfortable wearing them.
However, what I did not expect was her decision to grow her hair long after she turned 5 years, she clearly said I want long hair like my paternal grandma so I will grow it. Naturally, the length of her hair was directly proportional to the time I had to spend in combing her hair.
I was faced with this constant challenge of pleating two plaits everyday while going to school. If we had to attend any functions & parties, I was pushed out of my comfort zone to explore online videos to try the hairstyles she asked for, most of the time I complied. I worked on myself to wake up earlier and ensured pleating her hair was not a burdensome for me, all it required was planning & preparedness on my part.
I remember A asking me multiple times Amma are you okay with combing my long hair, is it difficult to manage, Amma are you okay that I have long hair? Amma, do you like my hair?
Continued in comments 👇
6 months agomaithriarunkumar
It's wonderful that she chose to do something new and bold by herself without any external influences. And kudos to you for helping her manage and maintain her long hair for all those years! Also want to ask, did you donate her hair?
6 months agothe_ruggedrani
As for all those questions about what shampoo did I use or special oil I applied to maintain this length? To be honest nothing only balanced food (A loves to munch on cucumber), neem wood comb (ditched plastic combs many years ago) and being conscious of using less hair products. I have been mostly using nature friendly hair products to limit multiple chemicals exposure. I have come to realise length, texture, colour of our hair, thickeness etc is primarily determined by our genes, food, health (deficiences & hormonal changes & imbalances), lifestyle and environment (hard water is harmful, hard to escape that in namma ooru) and there is no product that can substitute any of the above factors which will magically enable us to sport long lustrous hair.
6 months agothe_ruggedrani
Once she started contemplating on cutting her hair she asked, Amma, will you still like me if I decide to cut my hair? I always said your body you decide A, we will support you to the best of our ability. Always remember you need to take good care of yourself both inside and out. Remember, you decide how you feel about yourself when you look in the mirror. Since a month she is independently handling her hair. I do miss those times of pleating her hair and having those silly and sometimes insightful conversations with her. However, I am glad she is comfortable with her decision which was taken not by force or by being influenced about others perception on how she should look a certain way. I was constantly asked how do you manage her hair? Combing, washing and drying every night before going to bed... I did what worked best for both of us, I taught A to wash her hair since she turned 8 and she managed well for past 2 years & also learnt to tie a single plait when on her own.
More posts
