3 months ago
6
4
Posted On: July 21st 2026, 02:50 am
My name is Alyssa Deabenderfer, this is my story with Duane Syndrome. A rare eye movement condition, and my life as an artist.
It takes a lot of vulnerability to talk about this subject, but I want to document my experience living with Duane Syndrome while making art.
I was born with Duane Syndrome. It changes how my eyes move. TL;DR: one of my eyes doesn't move outward.
I get migraines easily, and I get double vision looking left. Taking photos with others used to be super embarrassing. If I don't position my head in a specific way every day, people ask me what is wrong with me. In reality, it is just me being me, naturally.
Because of this, people may see me in a certain way. But I see the world in my own way, too.
I have been ridiculed most of my life because of it. This is me reclaiming my natural beauty.
When I draw, I put my feelings on the paper. My art is a testament to living differently—not less, not broken, just different.
I am making these art journals for people who are like me, so they feel less alone.
_
The first page is drawing of cartoon faces with the eyes representing Duane Syndrome. They have the eyes all crossed eyed, some are smiling claiming it, some are smiling not sure. There are about 10+ faces looking around wondering what the world expects of them.
__
The second is a journal entry I write to myself.
With duane syndrome, i lived a very happy baby life.
My mom and dad loved me.
My dad would make me practice eye movement exercises with my eyes.
School was REALLY hard learning to read. I would see double vision, i tell the teachers I can't read. The vision was so bad, I would cry a lot, through my tears. I persisted. I cry everyday, I wake up and ask God why God made (me) this way. Ever.single.day. I would wake up and wonder why I was this way. I don't know how old I was before I stopped caring. Maybe 17 years old. When I took my piercing out. My life was miserable. July 2026.
Sticky note from my partner:
I'm sorry for anyone who made you feel as if you weren't enough. You are enough <3
It takes a lot of vulnerability to talk about this subject, but I want to document my experience living with Duane Syndrome while making art.
I was born with Duane Syndrome. It changes how my eyes move. TL;DR: one of my eyes doesn't move outward.
I get migraines easily, and I get double vision looking left. Taking photos with others used to be super embarrassing. If I don't position my head in a specific way every day, people ask me what is wrong with me. In reality, it is just me being me, naturally.
Because of this, people may see me in a certain way. But I see the world in my own way, too.
I have been ridiculed most of my life because of it. This is me reclaiming my natural beauty.
When I draw, I put my feelings on the paper. My art is a testament to living differently—not less, not broken, just different.
I am making these art journals for people who are like me, so they feel less alone.
_
The first page is drawing of cartoon faces with the eyes representing Duane Syndrome. They have the eyes all crossed eyed, some are smiling claiming it, some are smiling not sure. There are about 10+ faces looking around wondering what the world expects of them.
__
The second is a journal entry I write to myself.
With duane syndrome, i lived a very happy baby life.
My mom and dad loved me.
My dad would make me practice eye movement exercises with my eyes.
School was REALLY hard learning to read. I would see double vision, i tell the teachers I can't read. The vision was so bad, I would cry a lot, through my tears. I persisted. I cry everyday, I wake up and ask God why God made (me) this way. Ever.single.day. I would wake up and wonder why I was this way. I don't know how old I was before I stopped caring. Maybe 17 years old. When I took my piercing out. My life was miserable. July 2026.
Sticky note from my partner:
I'm sorry for anyone who made you feel as if you weren't enough. You are enough <3
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