Simon Waldron

No one tells you. You launch into a relationship, then become a father without any sense of what lies in front of you. For me it continues to be an overwhelmingly impossible task to be what a loving father and husband requires. A constant reckoning with my shortcomings, inadequacies - bumping into the parts of myself I dislike, falling short of the ideals that exist in my heart but get buried and overtaken by distractions, petulances, an inability to quel the storm of my own making. In a moment of fancy, I asked kamilla to film me with Vincent, I didn’t know why exactly but later the next day I discovered this clip as if I was a stranger to it, and it nearly brought me to tears. To see myself, through someone else’s eyes just for a moment gave me privileged access to new quadrant of heart space I barely frequent. To see myself as just a father playing and being with his son in the waters of the Mediterranean opened up a gush of compassion for this man, momentarily cleansed of the internal chatter of disquietening voices, of unceasing noise. In this moment I was enough, this moment did indeeed exist among the many others and we were happy, we were enough for each other and that spurs me on.