J Three

In 2019 I was in college, working full time, had my first son, and my relationship was falling apart. It was one of the hardest years of my life, but it was also when I made the most music. I’d wait until everyone was asleep, lock myself in my room, drink, and write until I had nothing left. Some nights I’d write three or four songs. A lot of them followed me through the years, and some of them still haven’t been released.

My life is good now. I’m happy, and I wouldn’t trade what I have for anything.

But every now and then I’ll sit in that same room trying to write, and nothing comes. I remember the feeling… writing until the pencil went through the paper because I just couldn’t get the words out fast enough. Somewhere along the way I taught myself that I could only write when I drank, and that became a cycle I’ve never really been able to shake. I also taught myself that the only things worth writing about were pain, regret, and betrayal. As unhealthy as it was, hearing those experiences turned into music made me feel understood.

As messed up as that time was, it gave me something I still can’t explain. It gave me songs. It gave me a place to leave everything I couldn’t carry.

I hate what those years took from me. But as twisted as it sounds, when I’m alone in that same room, I still catch myself wishing I could borrow that version of me for just one night. Not because I miss the pain or the person I was. I miss having that much to say.

That’s what Fortune is.