Evie

Life Update: Those of you who know me well know that I have gone no contact with my parents. November will mark the two year anniversary of the last time we were in a room together and spoke face-to-face. My reasons for this are not complicated but it has not been easy. I have been in therapy for a while, working through this and other issues I’ve been dealing with for a long time. It is hard work. I am deeply grieving the parents I should have had. 

I have reached a point where I can forgive them both but I am not interested in a relationship with them. Too many horrible things have been said & done through the years for me to walk back into that chaos. I can look back & acknowledge that my parents were young and were doing their best. They were both raised in abusive homes and certainly did do better than their parents did with them but it doesn’t erase what they did to me. My parents have never acknowledged that they did anything wrong nor have they offered any apologies. If you had parents who loved and supported you, who were tough but fair and not hurtful, I truly am so happy for you. ❤️ That was not my own experience. Please do not say things to me like, “oh you should be grateful your parents are still alive. I wish my father/mother were still here.” That is YOUR experience and you cannot relate to mine. 

The last two years of my life have been the absolute hardest and darkest I’ve ever faced & I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. That is not me being hyperbolic, that is a factual statement. It really didn’t become clear to me just how hard the last two years have been until I quit my job this summer. Sometimes you don’t know how heavy the weight is you carry until you’re able to lay it down and, once I did, only then was it evident that the load I was carrying was too heavy to bear on my own. Anyway, all this to say I can see a path forward & am feeling a little lighter and happier these days. There is still a lot of work to be done to escape the patterns ingrained in me since childhood but I do see that it is possible to break free. If any of this resonated with you and you want to talk about it, I am here to listen. ❤️