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Deborah Victor-Ayoola

@dva_of_nations

2 months ago

Photo by Deborah Victor-Ayoola on September 10, 2026. May be a doodle of text that says 'Conversations with DVA Deborah Victor-Ayoola @deborah_v_ayoola My single sisters, come closer. Let's talk. This one might not be music to your ears but someone has to say it. Stop building your single life around money and favours from different men.'.

Photo by Deborah Victor-Ayoola on September 10, 2026. May be a doodle of text that says '2 Conversations with DVA Deborah Victor-Ayoola @deborah_v_ayoola One of my mentors said something that really stayed with Te: "Stop taking advantage of your feminine power to source from every source." think we need to have And honestly, an honest conversation about this.'.

Photo by Deborah Victor-Ayoola on September 10, 2026. May be a Twitter screenshot of poster and text that says '3 Conversations with DVA Deborah Victor-Ayoola @deborah_v_ayoola Because sometimes, it doesn't look like anything is wrong. You're not sleeping with these men. You're not necessarily dating them. ' "just friends." But somehow, different men are funding different parts of your life.'.

Photo by Deborah Victor-Ayoola on September 10, 2026. May be an illustration of text that says '4 Conversations with DVA Deborah Victor-Ayoola @deborah_v_ayoola Man A is always the one fuelling your car. Man B sends you a monthly allowance because "he just wants to help." Man c takes care of your gas refill. Man D buys your groceries. Man E takes you shopping.'.

Photo by Deborah Victor-Ayoola on September 10, 2026. May be a doodle of text that says '5 5 Conversations with DVA Deborah Victor-Ayoola @deborah_v_ayoola ayoola And because there is no sexual relationship involved, you tell yourself: "What exactly am doing wrong?" My sister, let's pause here. I'm not saying receiving help makes you a bad person. I'm asking you to look at the pattern.'.

Photo by Deborah Victor-Ayoola on September 10, 2026. May be a doodle of text that says '6 Conversations with DVA Deborah Victor-Ayoola @deborah_v_ayoola Because you may be enjoying the benefits today without realizing that you're also building an appetite. An appetite for a lifestyle that may require multiple people to sustain. And marriage changes that equation.'.

Photo by Deborah Victor-Ayoola on September 10, 2026. May be a doodle of text that says '7 Conversations with DVA Deborah Victor-Ayoola @deborah_v_ayoola @deborah_v You are no longer operating as: "Man A will handle this, Man B will handle that, and Man C C will take care of the other thing." You are building a life with one person. And that requires partnership, communication, financial planning and, sometimes, adjustment.'.

Photo by Deborah Victor-Ayoola on September 10, 2026. May be a doodle of text that says '8 Conversations with DVA Deborah Victor-Ayoola @deborah_v_ayoola @deborah_v So when you get married and your husband cannot simultaneously: Pay the bills + fuel the car + fund your shopping + stock the house + give you personal spending money, you may begin to feel like: "My husband isn't doing enough."'.

Photo by Deborah Victor-Ayoola on September 10, 2026. May be a doodle of poster and text that says 'Conversations with with DVA Deborah Victor-Ayoola @deborah_v_ayoola @deborah_v_ But maybe he isn't the only issue. Maybe you've become accustomed to having multiple financial sources meeting your needs. And now you're expecting one person to reproduce the same lifestyle.'.

Photo by Deborah Victor-Ayoola on September 10, 2026. May be a Twitter screenshot of text that says '1 10 Conversations with with DVA Deborah Victor-Ayoola @deborah_v_ayoola @deborah_v_ My sister, your goal in singleness shouldn't only be: "How many people can help me?" It should also be: "How capable am of building and sustaining my own life?" Learn to earn. Learn to budget. Learn to save. Learn to invest.'.

Photo by Deborah Victor-Ayoola on September 10, 2026. May be a doodle of text that says '11 Conversations with DVA Deborah Victor-Ayoola @deborah_v_ayoola Learn to distinguish between a genuine gift and a dependency. And please, learn to live within your actual means. the goal is not to look years. financially comfortable in your single The goal is to develop the capacity to build a healthy financial life, single and married.'.

Photo by Deborah Victor-Ayoola on September 10, 2026. May be a doodle of text that says '12 2 Conversations with DVA Deborah Victor-Ayoola @deborah_v_ayoola want you to ask So, my sister, yourself: 1. How many men currently fund different parts of my lifestyle? If all those financial favours stopped 2. tomorrow, could 3. Am still maintain my life? receiving help occasionally, or have built a lifestyle around being provided for by different men?'.

Photo by Deborah Victor-Ayoola on September 10, 2026. May be a doodle of text that says '13 1 3 Conversations with DVA Deborah Victor-Ayoola @deborah_v_ayoola 4. Am developing my own financial ? 5. Is the lifestyle I'm building one I I can realistically sustain within marriage? Don't answer these questions defensively. Answer them honestly.'.

Photo by Deborah Victor-Ayoola on September 10, 2026. May be a doodle of text that says '1 14 Conversations with DVA Deborah Victor-Ayoola @deborah_v_ayoola @deborah_v_ want you to enter My single sister, marriage with capacity, not dependency. Receive gifts. Accept genuine support. Allow people to bless you. But don't build a life you can only sustain because several men are financing different parts of it.'.

Photo by Deborah Victor-Ayoola on September 10, 2026. May be a doodle of text that says '1 15 Conversations with DVA Deborah Victor-Ayoola @deborah_v_ayoola @deborah_v_ Because one day, you may marry a good man who is building his own life, growing financially and doing his best and still find yourself thinking he isn't enough. Sometimes, the problem isn't that the man isn't enough. Sometimes, we've built a lifestyle that requires more than one person to sustain.'.

Photo by Deborah Victor-Ayoola on September 10, 2026. May be a doodle of poster and text that says '1 16 6 Conversations with DVA Deborah Victor-Ayoola @deborah_v_ayoola ayoola If this conversation challenged you, don't just scroll past it. Sit with it. What lifestyle are you building now that you c your future spouse to sustain later?'.

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Posted On: September 10th 2026, 03:52 pm

One of my mentors @official_ocholiokutepa said something in one of his teaching that really stayed with me:
“Stop taking advantage of your feminine power to source from every source.”

And honestly, I think we need to have an honest conversation about this.

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