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August 31st, I almost left this life.

Even writing those words feels surreal.

It started with an ache in my left arm. I wasn’t gasping for air or holding my chest. But something inside me knew this wasn’t right, so I went to the ER.

I was having a STEMI — a major, life-threatening heart attack.

My arteries were more than 90% blocked. I was transferred to the hospital, where doctors performed an emergency balloon angioplasty and placed two stents to restore blood flow to my heart.

Everything happened so fast.

Then came the realization that has stayed with me:

I could have died.

I know death differently than some people do. I know what it is to lose the person you thought you would grow old with. I know the silence grief leaves behind.

I’ve spent years missing Rudy & Radyn and wondering about Heaven.

But this time, I wasn’t thinking about the person who had already gone.

I was thinking about the people I could have left behind.

My children. My grandchildren. My family. The people I love. The life I’m still building.

Suddenly, another day didn’t feel ordinary anymore.

Another morning is a gift.
Another dinner together is a gift.
Another laugh. Another hug.
Even another problem to solve means I’m still here to solve it.

My heart was injured. My ejection fraction was 45%, and healing will take time.

But my heart is still beating.

After everything this heart has carried — love, heartbreak, grief, motherhood, loss, joy, and now a heart attack — I’ll never think of that simple beat the same way again.

On August 31st, I was given more time.

More time to love.
More time to laugh.
More time with my babies.
More time to finish what God put me here to do.

I’ve spent years saying I can’t wait to see them again.

And I still can’t.

But not yet.

Not yet.

For now, I’m here.

And I intend to be grateful for every beat. 🤍