Nik | Helping Women Heal

At 38 years old, I’m still learning things about myself that make me look back and think, my god, that explains a lot. 🧠🤍

Recently I’ve been trying to understand my attachment style and I’ve come to recognise a lot of disorganised attachment patterns in myself.

Something that can develop when the people who were supposed to make you feel safe growing up were also a source of fear, hurt or unpredictability.

It can leave you craving love and connection, yet being terrified of losing it. Holding on too tightly when you feel someone pulling away, but sometimes being the one to pull away when things feel overwhelming.

Now throw AuDHD into the mix. The overthinking, rejection sensitivity, emotional overwhelm and struggling to regulate emotions in the moment.

And my god, it’s been a lot to unpack.

It’s impacted my mental health, my relationships and at times how I’ve viewed myself.

I’ve made mistakes. I’ve hurt people, I’ve been hurt myself and there are things I wish I’d handled differently. I’ve reacted from hurt, fear and overwhelm, and I haven’t always communicated in the healthiest way.

Understanding where those reactions come from doesn’t excuse them. I can take accountability for my part without carrying responsibility for everything.

I’ve recently gone back to therapy because I’ve recognised patterns I don’t want to keep repeating. I want to continue learning, growing and understanding myself, not just for others but for me.

Yesterday I stood on top of the highest mountain in Spain, completely alone, feeling so bloody proud of myself. 🏔️🌍

Not just for reaching the summit, but for everything I’ve worked through to get to this point.

I’m still learning, still making mistakes and still healing. But I’m also recognising just how far I’ve come.

I can’t change what happened to me, but I can take responsibility for how I move forward.

And I think that’s something worth being proud of. 🤍✨

#AuDHD #AttachmentStyles #MentalHealthAwareness #HealingJourney #SelfGrowth