21 days ago
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Posted On: October 15th 2026, 02:09 am
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I sometimes find myself just “getting through” something to get to the next thing. Moving quickly, even through lovely things. “We’ll get through Homecoming and then…” “We’ll just get through football season and then…” Fall, Halloween, the holidays. Sometimes bracing myself through what I actually enjoy very much.
When I lost my Dad years ago my grief was very loud and tangible. I knew I was rushing through the good stuff, only highlighted by the death of my father. I would remind myself and everyone else- slow down! Be present! Take your time! You never know how many days/summers/whatevers you have left! But as my amplified grief became a little more quiet, I slid right back to my baseline. So busy! So much to do! Just gotta get through this and onto the next!
It was late summer and we were on a family roadtrip, driving back from California. It was a very ordinary moment, everyone was in their own world, headphones on, podcasts or playlists or whatever else providing individual soundtracks. I looked around the car and took it in. An almost-16 year old, a 13-year old, and a 9-year old. I thought, “this is it.” Not a wild revelation really, and not sad at all, it just felt matter-of-fact. I thought- we’re on the other side of it now. We’ve moved through the beginning and onto something else. The hourglass of their childhood is turned over, more sand at the bottom than top. Here we are.
When we got home and school was starting I thought of that simple moment many times. When I found myself saying- “just gotta get through this first week,” I stopped myself. I thought of my grief from the loss of my Dad, I thought of the anticipatory grief from the loss of our now, I thought about how now, more than ever, the pause, the breath is so needed. Take it in.
So when the leaves were turning up north and our friends were game to go see them, it was a quick yes. I haven’t gone in years because we’ve been so busy…rushing from one thing to the next…but if not now, when? And I’m so glad we did 🍂 It was a beautiful day and felt so good to be so IN the season, not just getting through it. More of that.
When I lost my Dad years ago my grief was very loud and tangible. I knew I was rushing through the good stuff, only highlighted by the death of my father. I would remind myself and everyone else- slow down! Be present! Take your time! You never know how many days/summers/whatevers you have left! But as my amplified grief became a little more quiet, I slid right back to my baseline. So busy! So much to do! Just gotta get through this and onto the next!
It was late summer and we were on a family roadtrip, driving back from California. It was a very ordinary moment, everyone was in their own world, headphones on, podcasts or playlists or whatever else providing individual soundtracks. I looked around the car and took it in. An almost-16 year old, a 13-year old, and a 9-year old. I thought, “this is it.” Not a wild revelation really, and not sad at all, it just felt matter-of-fact. I thought- we’re on the other side of it now. We’ve moved through the beginning and onto something else. The hourglass of their childhood is turned over, more sand at the bottom than top. Here we are.
When we got home and school was starting I thought of that simple moment many times. When I found myself saying- “just gotta get through this first week,” I stopped myself. I thought of my grief from the loss of my Dad, I thought of the anticipatory grief from the loss of our now, I thought about how now, more than ever, the pause, the breath is so needed. Take it in.
So when the leaves were turning up north and our friends were game to go see them, it was a quick yes. I haven’t gone in years because we’ve been so busy…rushing from one thing to the next…but if not now, when? And I’m so glad we did 🍂 It was a beautiful day and felt so good to be so IN the season, not just getting through it. More of that.
Comments (32)
21 days agoheatspark
Wait! We did this today! Because parallel lives 🫶 Drowning in “it’ll never be like this again” thoughts lately, and you put a name to it: anticipatory grief. Here’s to riding our breaks down the hill 🤍
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