Shelby Theron | Motherhood Unfiltered

Last October, I found out I was pregnant with the twins. 🤍

It had only been four months since we lost Mieke. Four months since she died. Four months since I became a loss mum and the life I knew ended, too.

When Mieke died, a part of me died with her. I was still here, but I was no longer the same person. I was grieving my daughter while somehow continuing to exist in a world that expected me to keep going.

And then, somehow, I was standing at the beginning of another completely unexpected chapter.

Pregnant with the twins.

I don’t think the woman I was then could have imagined the year that followed: the premature arrival of our girls, the NICU, the recovery, the exhaustion, and learning how to be a mum to two little humans while learning how to live with the loss of another.

The twins brought a love into my life that I will never be able to put into words. But their arrival did not erase Mieke’s absence.

I’ve had to learn how to hold the joy of watching the twins grow alongside the pain of knowing Mieke never will. How to celebrate their milestones while carrying the ones she will never reach.

The twins are not a replacement for Mieke, and Mieke is not forgotten because I have them. They are three separate, deeply loved children, each with their own place in my heart.

I’m not the person I was before Mieke died or before the twins were born. I’m becoming someone new, shaped by love, loss, motherhood and survival.

Some days I feel stronger than ever. Other days I barely recognise myself.

But I am still here.

Here as Mieke’s mum.
Here as the twins’ mum.
Here as a woman learning how to carry both.

I’m learning that grief and joy can exist together. One does not cancel out the other.

So, if this year has changed you, too, I hope you know that you’re allowed to miss the person you were while still loving the person you’re becoming.

I will carry the grief of losing one daughter and the love of raising two others for the rest of my life.

🤍