Ali Hendry

“That’s gay.”

I was sitting in the study area of my local library, sharing a table with three young lads studying for their exams.

They’d been a bit noisy but I’m used to it during revision season.

One shows another something on his phone, and the lad responds, “That’s gay.”

Using “gay” to mean pathetic or weak has been in circulation since the 1990s.

I’ve been running inclusion training for almost as long and have heard a full range of takes on this term. From people of all sexualities.

It goes from:

“This phrasing is deeply offensive.”

to: “But it doesn’t mean that kind of gay.”

Firstly, yes it does originate from homosexuality. And whether the users are equating it with us or not, there is a chance it can offend us.

So now that you know, don’t use it, please and thank you.

And do challenge it.

Allyship is standing up for us when we are not present.

And you don’t need to tell us what you’ve done.

Because when you share a story about homophobic language that you challenged, we are not focusing on the fact you demonstrated being an LGBTQ+ ally.

We are focusing on the continued occurrence of homophobia.

As I reflect, over the past twelve months I have heard this word being used in a derogatory way three or four times.

Not a huge amount.

But each time, It feels like a stone falls from my chest into the pit of my stomach.

Then, I feel irritated.

Then, I assess the risk of saying something, and my capacity for potential conflict.

Why am I telling you this?

I grew up with the Sticks & Stones rhyme, that ends: “words can never hurt you.”

Hard disagree.

And when we look at scholars who study discrimination, they tell us physical violence starts with “banter” that is left unchallenged.

So, it might feel like an innocuous comment. But how do you know?

📸🦄 Me and the unicorn racing around @tcsamsterdammarathon to cheer my sister on, because it’s the best way to get her attention while running!

Also, thank you #amsterdam for being so gay 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️