True Nature Alignment

Enneagram 4 - the Individualist

Enneagram 4 is the type I’ve recently felt I have a lot to learn from.

The gift: Those who lead with 4 recognize beauty and depth. They are often deeply creative. They can notice feelings and hold space for them, even the hard ones. For me, and for many of the other types, it’s hard to honor a painful feeling without rushing to fix it or brush it aside. Fours have a gift for letting feelings simply exist.

What they’re trying to earn: At the core, 4s often believe love comes from being truly seen and known, yet they can tend to fear that something essential is missing in them.

The challenge: The same ability to feel deeply can make it hard to reach the other side of the feeling spectrum. Longing and the sense that something is missing can feel familiar, even comfortable, and hard to leave. Fours often focus on what feels lacking, which can lead to the belief that the grass is greener somewhere else.

In parenting: This can show up as a beautiful ability to empathize with your kids’ struggles, and also as difficulty separating your feelings from theirs, or letting a hard moment pass when it’s ready.

If you’re raising a 4: They may need you to sit with a big feeling before offering a solution, and to hear that nothing about them is missing.

A practice for all of us this week: When a hard feeling comes up, notice it and honor it with compassion, without feeling like it has to stay.