I say that as a mom who has felt the pinch of hearing my kid say “I miss her…” at bedtime, then having to take a breath before responding because the first thing that used to rise up in me was fear and insecurity because I wasn’t always okay with not being the only one.
I’ve had to learn that my kids can crawl into my lap and shower me with hugs and kisses while still carrying their birth mama in their hearts and admitting out loud how much she is missed by them. And the kindest thing I can do is stay steady, say “Of course you miss her. And that’s okay!” and let that feeling be welcome in our house.
And if you’re an adoptive parent who has felt that pinch too, I hope you learn sooner than I did that your child loving someone else doesn’t mean they love you less.
#makingthemoffitts #thisisfostercare #thisisadoption #fostermom #adoptivemom
9 days agoscarlettle00
My child has 3 moms, her birth mom, godmom, and myself (adoptive). For us the more moms the better, just more love on my girl who deserves every ounce of it.
15 days agoburseytwinstories
Yes, both can both be true and there is space for all the complex feelings. ❤️❤️❤️ but these mixed feelings can come out as anger, confusion and pushing boundaries and doubting self worth all over again. Walking with a teen who is determined to leave and live with their birth mom is hard. Kids process their grief and loss at different stages and ages. Adoptive parents are their support through all the different paths they choose. ❤️❤️ It is often not the way we thought it would be. ❤️❤️
15 days agorallistribe
Yes yes yes. Got a very sweet note from adopted child today. One line says: “You are good parents even when I say otherwise.” 🤣 Sums it right up, doesn’t it? There’s lots of room for “otherwise” to exist. Gotta be.
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