Simone Marie Butler

It’s been almost one year without your beautiful light, I’m still trying to figure out how to be in this world without you . Scar tissue that won’t heal, a smile cut short by a moments profound sadness both at once.

The lack of wanting to give myself a vulnerability hangover but the need to honour u beyond the degradation of online declarations . .

Even more so now, I care less about what and who wastes my time and those who have to hurt others because their demons are in hiding. I dwell on words you spoke to me and wrote down that I shall keep forever. The way u believed in me. I cling on to others near you, but mostly i remember your kind, loving, unconditional heart. I try not to feel so lost but really all I can do is let the waves crash and flow. Life becomes more precious for having your love in it. I carried on , collapsed in private moments and carried on. This year has been difficult in so many ways. I will keep writing and keep making u proud . Your warmth and your voice still comforts me.

I’m not so sure about time these days as much of the quality of each moment no matter how long that lasts. To really see each other, the way we did.
I drove to school with u once more in my head and searched for you waiting at the gates remembering your sunlit hair and big sunglasses. I went back to find you anywhere I could. A pain I was always terrified of, edging its way into days without notice. But I realize you are Infact with me in my heart, and I remember I’m the little baby you held in your arms, an unbroken bond.

I think it’s a soul contract we have with this lifetime and I can only with love thank god u were my mother .

X