Zeffrey

CHAPTER 022 | When Approval Becomes Self-Worth

Sometimes, the need to be accepted becomes something we carry into adulthood.

We learn to be good.
To achieve.
To please.
To avoid disappointing anyone.

And somewhere along the way, being accepted can begin to feel like something we must earn.

Research into parental conditional regard suggests that when affection and approval feel dependent on meeting expectations, children may develop a stronger tendency to tie their self-worth to performance.

Over time, those expectations can become internal rules.

I must succeed.
I must not disappoint.
I must always be useful.
I haven’t earned the right to rest.

Carl Jung’s concept of the persona offers another way to reflect on the social identities we develop.

But ambition isn’t automatically insecurity.

And caring what others think isn’t necessarily unhealthy.

The same behaviour can come from enjoyment, personal values, fear or several motives at once.

Perhaps the question isn’t whether we should stop seeking approval.

It’s whether our entire sense of worth has become dependent on receiving it.

You are more than what you achieve.

Notice. Separate. Choose.

Research: Haines et al. (2023); Crocker & Wolfe (2001); Jung’s persona theory.

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