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Rachel Gruber RN

@rachelsaiditfirst

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Kind + savage. Mom/wife. Used to have a twin. Healing myself along the way, writing ALL about TRUTH+ narcissistic abuse 💫 all content= MY BELIEFS

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If I speak about what happened, I’ll be called bitter.

If I stay silent, it will be used as proof that what we went through wasn’t really abuse.

Which one should I choose?

I’ll take a page out of the good ‘ole narcy playbook.

I pick option three. Even though you only have two choices.

The one you never saw coming.
AND my choice won’t be to destroy other people’s lives like he tried to do to us.

It will be to make this planet better than how we came into it. AND I’ll still talk about what we went through, not because I am bitter, but because I have a duty to myself and to everyone else out there who has had to walk this lonely, often terrifying road and speak the DAMN TRUTH.

If you have a friend or relative facing this, understand for them— it’s worse than you can imagine — they’ll never have all the words to describe what’s been done to them—their brain has been trapped in hell for years.

How to be a good friend to them? Bring them a meal and stay curious so you don’t get sucked into the vortex of confusion and manipulation that a Narcissist creates to further bully and isolate their victims.

#healing #abuse #twinsies #buildyourempire #fuckyou by @rachelsaiditfirst

Life lately.
The things that pull on you in Nature mimics our internal states.

Do you see it?

Massive growth.

Metamorphosis.

Can’t be stopped or slowed.
The wind might blow.
I watched these little guys hold on tight.

Like last Thursday.
Some fell.
Most survived and then fattened up for the coming transition.

He doesn’t know what’s next, but we do.

He will hang upside down, be disoriented and dissolved.

Rest baby.
But not really.

He will crack through-
spread his wings when he’s ready z
Dry off and fly high.

To his next fabulous heights. by @rachelsaiditfirst

I’ll never get tired of the wonder all around me.

Clouds like cotton balls.
Longer winter days that are like endless spring.
Water to play in.
Sunshine that never runs out.

#florida #love #sunshine #ocean #liveyourdreams by @rachelsaiditfirst

I didn’t know the how.
I didn’t know the when.
I didn’t know why or even what half the time.

I just knew that if I held on long enough, and hugged my kids when they needed it no matter what, we would make it through the other side of narcissistic abuse.

Not without our battle wounds. But those can heal. A lot already has.

And now we are free.

#healing #lifeisbeautiful #breakingpatterns #freedom by @rachelsaiditfirst

English is her only language… for now.
But she is certainly hearing lots of others.

#kids #hilarious #family #food #banana by @rachelsaiditfirst

#selfcaredaily #sunshine #eyesforward #bluesky #healingjourney

Fully free.
It’s the best feeling ever. by @rachelsaiditfirst

Tough seasons always end.
The newest blooms always blossom.

Music makes things better.
#grateful #family #lifeisgood #freedom #lovelife by @rachelsaiditfirst

Abuse doesn’t feel like a smack to the face.
It might —when you try to get away.

But before that, the confusion can swallow you whole.

I remember asking myself things like, why am I so tired all the time? Why is it hard for me to find words? Why does it feel like my life flitted away? Why do I feel like I don’t know where I am in time and space?

And our bodies fell apart.

But now, now we are free. Free to heal, and be autonomous humans. Which the narcissist really doesn’t want.

#healing #narcissism #cult #freedom #soul by @rachelsaiditfirst

Truth is truth.

I don’t mince my words friends.
I’m so glad I can speak freely.

To be clear:
This isn’t a conflict with my twin sister and me — like some of the lies that have been spread.

It never was.

It is about what was done to us. By someone else who is very twisted. But the other people don’t want to see it yet. Because there’s so much to lose when they finally face the music.

#healing #twins #sisters #realtalk #abuse by @rachelsaiditfirst

Living our life free.
Sunshine.
Boats.
Honesty.
Love.

Grateful for all of it.
#healing #movingforward #newlife #marriage #family by @rachelsaiditfirst

Day two is the gratitude. Thankful to be free of narcissistic abuse and remembering to do a day two. That’s it.

Can’t wait to hear what day three will be.

#freedom #healing #healingjourney #family #living by @rachelsaiditfirst

Things I don’t take for granted anymore after finally being free of narcissistic abuse.
1. Waking up with excitement!
2. What to eat for breakfast?
3. How exciting it is to be a mother to my children and meet their needs with joy.
4. Being married to a brilliant, kind and caring man!
#healingjourney #healing #family #livinglife #freedom by @rachelsaiditfirst