#MarriageHelp
The “Honolulu Husband” is what I call the husband version of a “Disneyland Dad”
What is a “Disneyland Dad” to a kid? He’s all fun and play. He’s exciting, adventurous, and gets to be the star of the show because he doesn’t have to carry the weight of the day-to-day parenting.
A “Honolulu Husband” is the charming guy who gives you attention. The one who seems exciting, effortless, and too good to be true.
The one your brain starts comparing your husband to because you only see his best moments… NOT the reality of a life with him.
The Honolulu Husband isn’t really a person. He’s a fantasy.
(((And if he’s willing to give that kind of attention to someone else’s wife, he’s probably not the prize your brain is making him out to be🤷🏼♀️)))
What you’re probably aching for isn’t a Honolulu Husband at all.
I bet what you’re really wanting is a “Homestead Husband”
That’s what I call a man whose heart is at home. A man who invests his attention, energy, and affection into HIS wife and family.
If you find yourself in this fantasy of the “Honolulu husband”, pause and turn your attention back to YOUR husband and have the conversations you need to have.
Sometimes those conversations include making hard decisions and saying hard things.
Sometimes it requires sharing things you’ve never shared.
Sometimes it requires asking your husband to step up. Not from a critical or nitpicking place, but from a place of, “hey, I want to have this kind of intimate connection with YOU.”
Every minute we spend giving the “Honolulu Husband” space in our minds is a minute we’re not investing in the marriage we’re actually trying to create.
Unfortunately, we can’t make anyone do the things we want them to, but we *can* show up in integrity with ourselves.
That will always requires honesty and doing our part. Are you willing to do that for the kind of relationship you want?
Hi, by the way! 👋 I’m @catieborland and I share practical marriage ideas and solutions to help you create deeper connection in your relationship.❤️
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#marriagehelp #loveyourspouse #relationshiphelp #marri
The hardest place to be…
is wanting to stay…
but not wanting to keep living this way.
I know that feeling because I lived there.
I didn’t want a divorce.
I loved my husband.
I loved my family.
I wasn’t dreaming about another man.
I wasn’t looking for a way out.
I was looking for a way to stop hurting.
Every day felt like I was carrying two impossible realities at the same time.
I wanted to stay.
But I didn’t know how to keep living with the loneliness…
the resentment…
the disappointment…
the emotional exhaustion.
I kept thinking,
“If he would just change…”
Then I could finally breathe again.
Then I could finally have peace.
Then I could finally be happy.
But one day I realized something that changed my life.
I wasn’t actually waiting for my marriage to change.
I was waiting to give myself permission to heal.
I had unknowingly handed my husband responsibility for feelings that God had given me agency to work through.
That changed everything.
I stopped asking,
“How do I get him to change?”
And I started asking,
“Who is God inviting me to become, even if my husband never changes?”
That question changed my marriage.
Because before my circumstances changed…
I changed.
I found peace before my marriage became peaceful.
I found joy before my marriage became joyful.
And that’s when everything around me started changing too.
If you’re in that space where you don’t want a divorce…
but you don’t know how to keep living this way…
I want you to know there is another way.
Comment LEARN and I’ll send you my free ebook with practical tools you can start using in your marriage today.
Or click the link in my bio to download it instantly and get all the information about my free workshop, where I’ll teach you how to stop resenting your husband and finally move forward with peace, joy, and clarity.
#unhappymarriage #divorce #lifecoach #marriagehelp
I remember dreading his touch.
Lying in bed hoping he wouldn’t reach for me… because even the thought made my skin crawl.
It wasn’t always like this.
I was just exhausted.
Running the house, carrying everything, stuck in survival mode.
And the resentment? It built up quietly…
until I felt so disconnected from him and from myself, that intimacy felt empty.
If this is you, you’re not broken.
But this doesn’t fix itself.
The shift starts when you reconnect with yourself and learn how to actually feel again.
DM me “DESIRE” and I’ll send you my free guide to help you get the spark back 🤍
#marriage #marriagecoach #relationshipadvice #intimacy #marriagehelp
Everyone wants to know the secret.
“What do the couples who actually thrive after infidelity do differently?”
After years of helping couples rebuild, I’ve noticed three things they all have in common.
1. They stop trying to get their old marriage back.
They accept that marriage is gone and choose to build a completely new one.
2. They know whose job is whose.
The betrayer’s job is to earn trust. The betrayed partner’s job is not to “just get over it.” If they choose to rebuild, their job is to gradually risk trusting again while protecting their own wellbeing.
3. They stay committed when the feelings disappear.
Trust isn’t rebuilt because you feel hopeful. It’s rebuilt because you keep showing up, especially on the days you don’t.
If you desire to rebuild after infidelity, comment RECOVER and I’ll send you the link to schedule your free consultation call. ❤️
#marriage #couplestherapy #infidelity #affairrecovery #marriagehelp
I used to think I had to sugarcoat my needs.
Say it perfectly, gently, AND while also reassuring him that he’s not failing.
That’s because every time I brought something up, it turned into him going off like this,
“Why do I even try? I can never get it right.”
“I guess I’m just a terrible husband, huh?”
“I never do anything right in your eyes.”
Instead of his comfort, I got his shutdown. Instead of connection, I got his shame.
I would walk away feeling worse than before, like I did something wrong for needing anything at all.
But here’s what I’ve learned:
👉🏻 His shame is not your responsibility to manage. He needs to heal what’s underneath that.
👉🏻 You can be kind without shrinking.
👉🏻 You can speak truth without over-functioning for his emotions.
God doesn’t call you to silence yourself to keep the peace. He calls you to speak the truth in love.
It’s HIS work to sit with discomfort without spiraling.
It’s YOUR work to stay grounded in truth and lean on the Spirit, not self-abandon.
When I stopped walking on eggshells and started regulating my own heart, I realized that my voice is not the threat, his reaction is not something I need to manage, and my needs are not too much in God’s eyes.
If you can relate, I created a free masterclass just for you,“The 3 Step Communication Method to Finally Feeling Heard.”
Drop “COMMUNICATE” below and I’ll send it your way.
#christianwife #wifelife #marriagehelp #communicationskills #marriageadvice
The struggle is real. #2bebetterpodcast #marriagehelp #marriageproblems #relationships #love
There was no lawyer. No papers. No sit-down conversation where you both admitted this is where things ended up. Somewhere along the way, between work, the kids, the routines, you and your spouse quietly stopped choosing each other.
You still sleep in the same bed. You still show up to the same holidays, the same photos, looking every bit like a couple from the outside. But behind closed doors? It feels less like a marriage and more like two people coexisting.
This is the version of “struggling” I see most often, and it’s almost never loud. Just two people who feel miles apart while lying inches from each other.
If that hit a little too close to home, keep reading. Recognizing this isn’t the hard part. Recognizing it is actually the bravest thing you’ve done for your marriage in a while. What’s hard is pretending you don’t see it for another year.
Here’s what I know after doing this work: the marriages that feel the most distant are often the ones with the most room to come back. Not because of luck. Because one person finally decided to stop surviving it and start addressing it.
You’re closer to changing this than you think.
If this sounds like your marriage, DM me “ROOMMATE” and I’ll send you the link to book a free consult. I’ll show you exactly where to begin.
We were the couple no one expected to make it—and truly, there were times, we didn’t know if we would either.
Held Together is our real life story of addiction, betrayal, trauma and more-beautifully woven into a 30-day journey back to friendship, connection, healing, and covenant.
It’s officially available NOW.
Comment HELD and I’ll send the link—or grab it privately through the link in my bio. 🤍
#christianmarriage #POV #marriagerestoration #marriagehelp #faithbasedmarriage
Healing journey, friendship in marriage, family restoration, against the odds
Resentment in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re falling apart. It often means something important hasn’t been heard yet.
So many couples feel stuck here—carrying frustration, distance, or disconnection—and wondering if it’s a sign their relationship is failing.
But here’s how I see it, after working with couples for nearly 20 years: resentment is information.
When you slow it down and name it, resentment can actually guide you back toward connection.
Instead of saying:
“I’m just frustrated.”
Try getting curious:
→ “I’m feeling resentful because I don’t feel supported.”
→ “I’m feeling resentful because I keep asking for help and don’t see change.”
→ “I’m feeling resentful because I want to feel like a priority again.”
This is the shift.
Resentment isn’t just anger. And it’s not just hating your partner.
It’s often grief, unmet needs, and the longing to feel seen.
And when you can name that clearly, you give your partner something they can actually respond to.
You are not too much for having needs. And your relationship isn’t doomed because resentment is showing up.
It’s an invitation to have a different conversation.
Let’s drop resentment in your relationship and work alongside me in my workshop. Comment CONQUER to save over 50% off on my Conquer Resentment webinar on sale this week only.
#relationshipadvice #resentmentinrelationships #marriagehelp #communicationinrelationships #emotionalconnection
That destructive cycle of… Never good enough.
What’s interesting about this cycle… is that when someone believes they aren’t “good enough”... they often find themselves in relationships that perpetuate this belief.
And what’s even more interesting is that the person they find themself in a relationship with… is likely someone who also struggles with deep insecurities, a fragile ego, & a skewed sense of self.
(because yes, as much as the comments section loves to push back on this, we do find ourselves in dynamics that match our level of emotional maturity, healing, and growth… I know, I know… I get how hard this is to acknowledge… and, it is what it is 🤷🏼♀️).
When someone has these deep beliefs of not being “good enough”… they are often ready & willing to point out all of your struggles, shortcomings, & setbacks… because this is the most effective way to avoid dealing with the reality of their own insecurities.
And while in this type of scenario, both partners are struggling with insecurities (because, duh… we all do! 🙄)…
The difference is that an individual with insecurities who is committed to working on their healing & growth… is actively looking inward, willing to take accountability, and is too focused on improving their own side of the street… to continue to point out all the issues with yours.
A “perfect” relationship is one that consists of two individuals who are on their own healing & growth journeys… and who use their time, energy, & emotional capacity to find ways to improve & strengthen the relationship… not to create even deeper insecurities in their partner (cause, btw, most of us really don’t need any help with this 😵💫).
And… Noooo! This is not to say we can’t provide feedback to our partners or express when we are hurt or upset (I already see this comment coming 🤦🏼♀️).
What it means… is that even in the moments of providing feedback, we are also aware of our role in the situation, as well as ensure we are safe, kind, & loving in the delivery.
Long story short… find a partner who gently challenges you to be better, while also ensuring you know, you are incredible just as you are. ♥️
Boundaries are sooo important in our relationships! Why?
Because healthy boundaries protect your energy, nurture your happiness, and create space for growth.
On the flip side, an unhealthy lack of boundaries can leave you feeling drained and unsupported.
It’s time to take a closer look! Are you over-accommodating others, or do you feel empowered to say ‘no’?
You deserve relationships that uplift you!
If you’re ready to set some healthy boundaries, follow along and let’s grow together.
#HealthyBoundaries #SelfLove #EmpoweredLiving #codependency #codafreementality#codafree #becomingcodafree #relationships #codependencyrecovery #happyjoyousandfree #healthyboundaries #boundaries #marriagehelp
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