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Teya

@teyaposting

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it’s like not a journal but it’s also not not a journal like ykwim
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Indie sleaze n debauched to celebrate the number one party girl libran legend n icon @paridhichauhan689 featuring The Usual Suspects//u will have to pry these cross studded ruffle shorts from my cold dead hands//the look lately is vaguely Victoriana partygirl// by @teyaposting
On the blinking of lights in a city you grow distant from: You cannot force oblivion. It has to be earned step by grueling step. Dull, boring, repetitive. Repetition is how you chart a course to anywhere that is not here. The rhythm of a chisel and hammer is a sacred murmur. Can you hear the tap tap tapping of salvation? You will have to carve away the familiarity of marble to reveal a shape. I grow alien to my own self. Rapid-cycling through coping mechanisms, I am slow to realise the old adage - wherever you go, you bring yourself with you. I’ve been the same bitch in different cities, on the run from whatever lives unseen in the house I’ve built of this body. Thinking about when St. Vincent said “am I thinking what every body’s thinking? - I’m so glad I came but I can’t wait to leave” or when Marina said “and all the other jewels around me they astounded me at first. I’ve covered up my heart in boundaries and now the fakes they call me cursed, but I’m not cursed. I was just covered in dirt”. Thinking about Florence invoking St. Jude, the patron saint of the lost causes. Of Ethel Cain crooning “I forgive it all as it comes back to me” I’ve memorized a thousand different songs of grief and longing and I hold them close, I hold them dear. I turn them over and over in my mind and mouth like hard candy, worrying at the words like a sutra. Repetition is comfort and I know that no matter how much I fidget with them they will never diminish or fray. There is a surety in words. I believe that no matter the medium, sometimes we are able to glimpse at a fundamental truth of the world and behold a small fragment of it. The songs I treasure the most come to me from my friends. Make no mistake, this isn’t wisdom. I pluck sentences from conversations and secret them away. This is my hoard. Surely there is a path. Surely in all my scheming and meandering, in all my fleetfoot rambling there is a path that leads out of the labyrinth of grief. If I find it, I’ll let you know. On the twinkling of lights in a city you grow distant in, the stars have been blotted out. There is only incandescence. by @teyaposting
Scorched earth in a drowning city. Rats trying to stay afloat - Keep ur head above water. Glug glug. 💦 by @teyaposting
workhorsing around n things - if you do what u love u don’t work a day in ur life is some bs coz I love what I do a lot a lot and I actually only feel sane when I’m working hard coz it gives me license to party even harder and it’s actually sorta best if my work is a party in and of itself only. bookings n blessings aplenty and a strong desire to make this the shape of my life. it’s a skin I wear often and wear well. make of it what you will? I’m making the most of it in the meanwhile. it’s made real by the things we do. by @teyaposting
me when I dump on the photos or whatever me when photo when I when dump I when the me me the when- by @teyaposting
we’ll still have the summer after all (heatwaves melted my brain)//it’s a scorcher it’s a bummer babyyy~ historical records n personal archives. take a beta blocker n lock innnnn by @teyaposting
um hi I’d like to respawn somewhere colder and older I’m a city rat thru n thru but maybe I’d trade it all in for anything that isn’t forty degrees of heat and dust right now by @teyaposting
it’s forty two degrees in this hideous city I need to escape delhi I cannot believe I was at some point in gorgeous mountainous climate i feel like im being cooked alive rn gang this cannot be by @teyaposting
it’s been like forever since an honest to god rager like @radiant.ind was cute it was housey it was groovy but I need destructo disk 2 the dome ykwim?? what’s life if not an endless cycle of being dressy n then being slobby ive been in nothing but my pyjamas all week coughing like a sick Victorian child so i needed to look at these photos to remind myself that I’m capable of being a hot gal tyvm by @teyaposting
sundrunk dazed n drenched//summer calls for radical optimism and teeny tiny tops March was a doozy, a bummer and also somehow the longest month of the year but as Aries season melts me down and makes me anew I know what’s right around the corner - The Feast of the Bull, and then? The serpentine revelry of the Twin Winds. April and May are right around the corner baby it’s going to be hot, sweaty and excessive. This has been the weather report. by @teyaposting
videogirl rules the world, always better in motion - a flicker flicker in the corner of your vision, always on the way, to somewhere from somewhere. Exchanging vistas unseen for locations unknown. A transitory creature, known only by the rustling of underbrush and the faint sounds of scurrying in the distance. The ides of march, if ancient soothsayers are to be believed, should fill men with some sort of fear but I’m def a “throw caution to the winds” kinda gal. I’m a “throw a lot of things to the winds” kinda gal quite frankly, but lately I’ve felt at home in my element. Ironic, considering that any feeling of home or grounding feel counterintuitive. This is all that there is, a cool breeze floating by - everywhere and nowhere. I’m not sad anymore I’m ready to be (adored). I sometimes fear naming my joy, but maybe, that too is allowed. The sun is warm and the air is cool and the world feels like a place that is welcoming. I love this feeling. On high we go, Cloudward ho! by @teyaposting
sometimes it’s ok to go supernova//a vital stage in the phoenix’s life cycle is where it goes out in a blaze of glory and ash rains from the sky//I love flying too close to the sun//icarus is never too far from my mind//summer comes around once more and im made anew a creature of flesh and sweat and skin and heat//this year is going to be an incredible one I feel it in my bones by @teyaposting

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