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Sally | Toddler Behaviour & Motherhood

@theteachingmother_

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Toddler behaviour, translated for tired parents.
Explained by a teacher. Lived by a mum.
Figuring it out together 🫶🏻
↓ Free playful calming guide

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“THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY’RE DOING.”

Sometimes they do know they’re breaking the rule.

That still doesn’t mean they can reliably stop themselves.

Your toddler jumps on the couch. You say stop. They look straight at you and jump again.

Of course it feels deliberate. You’re standing right there. They heard you.

But hearing “stop” doesn’t automatically stop their body.

They have to interrupt something exciting, remember your instruction and resist the urge to do it again.

Those are skills. Saying “no jumping” shows they remember the rule. It doesn’t show they can consistently follow it while they’re enjoying themselves.

We see one behaviour. Underneath are several skills they’re still learning to use together.

And yes, toddlers test boundaries.

“What happens if I do it again?” is part of learning how a limit works. That’s why our follow-through matters.

So what does helping actually look like?

→ Couch jumping? Move close and help them down. “Let’s go outside and jump on the trampoline.” Give them somewhere suitable to use that movement.

→ “MUM” gets louder whenever you speak? Practise a tiny wait when you’re available. “Let me finish pouring this, then I’m listening.” Start with seconds and follow through. A ten-minute phone call is a much harder place to learn.

→ Toys get thrown when play gets frustrating? Practise an alternative before they need it. When a piece won’t fit, model putting it down and saying, “Help, please.”

Make the next step clear. Help them do it. Practise when it’s easier.

Because explaining a rule teaches them what’s expected.

Developing the ability to follow it takes more than an explanation.

You’re allowed to feel frustrated by the repetition. It’s exhausting.

But stepping in again doesn’t automatically mean your toddler is disrespectful or you’re doing this wrong.

Sometimes the rule is familiar, but the skill still needs support. ❤️

#ToddlerBehaviour #ToddlerDevelopment #ParentingToddlers #ChildDevelopment #TheTeachingMother by @theteachingmother_

Forget the ghosts and witches.

Nothing’s scarier than telling someone motherhood is hard and hearing, “But you chose this.” 👻

#MotherhoodUnfiltered #MumLife #RealMotherhood #ToddlerMum #HalloweenTrend by @theteachingmother_

“I’ve told you a hundred times.”

And you have. You’ve explained that hitting hurts, reminded them to use their words and stopped their hands more times than you can count.

It’s exhausting to keep teaching something they seem to understand.

But a hundred reminders to stop aren’t a hundred opportunities to practise what to do instead.

That’s where play comes in.

Let Teddy grab the truck. Help your toddler practise “STOP!” Explore what anger feels like in their body. Try squeezing pretend lemons, then relaxing their hands.

They get to rehearse without someone actually taking the toy they desperately want.

There’s research behind this. Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child explains that self-regulation develops through interaction and practice. The Australian Education Research Organisation recommends practising emotional and behavioural skills through play, alongside consistent expectations.

And yes, they might practise beautifully, then hit their sibling that afternoon.

Using a skill in a game is easier than using it when you’re furious. They still need you to stop the hitting and help them through it.

Keep the boundary predictable. Practise the same simple alternatives. Notice their attempts: “You were angry and called for help.”

Consistency doesn’t mean saying it perfectly every time. It means returning to the boundary and helping them practise again.

One day, you might hear “HELP!” from the other room where you used to hear hitting.

That’s the skill you’re building. 💗

#ToddlerBehaviour #ToddlerHitting #ToddlerParenting #EmotionalRegulation #LearningThroughPlay by @theteachingmother_

Some days I feel like I’ve spent more time telling my son what NOT to do than anything else.

Don’t jump off the couch.
Get down from there.
Stop throwing the cushions.
Please stop running through the house.

And by bedtime, the guilt starts creeping in.

Because I know those reminders are necessary. He’s five. He’s adventurous, energetic and still learning about boundaries and safety.

But sometimes I wonder what his little ears have heard the most that day.

All the things I’ve needed him to stop doing?

Or all the things I absolutely adore about him?

How funny he is.
How kind he is.
How much I love being his mum.

And I think that’s something we don’t talk about enough.

How exhausting it can be to constantly guide and correct a child, while desperately wanting them to feel just as loved and celebrated as they are.

Because some days I know I’ve said STOP a hundred times.

And when I kiss him goodnight, I just hope he’s heard I LOVE YOU even more.

#RaisingBoys #BoyMum #MotherhoodUnfiltered #ParentingBoys #MotherhoodGuilt by @theteachingmother_

Comment CALM and I’ll send you my FREE guide with 16 playful calming activities for children aged 2–5. 💗

You’ve stayed calm. You’ve held the boundary. You’ve offered a cuddle.

And your toddler is STILL screaming because you wouldn’t buy the toy.

Sound familiar?

Here’s something I wish more parents understood.

You can respond to a tantrum beautifully and your child can still be absolutely cranky.

Because the goal isn’t to stop every tantrum. It’s to help our children gradually learn what to do with those enormous feelings.

And what helps one child might make another even more upset.

One toddler might need to stomp their feet or push against something. Another might want you to sit beside them without saying a word.

The tricky part is recognising what your child needs, especially when you’re already exhausted and nothing seems to be working.

That’s why I created this guide. Not another list of things you SHOULD be doing, but practical ideas to explore with your little one and a better understanding of when they might help.

Understanding the why changes the how.

#ToddlerTantrums #ToddlerParenting #ToddlerBehaviour #GentleParenting #ParentingTips by @theteachingmother_

I swear Bluey was made for parents who thought they were just putting on a kids’ show and somehow ended up having an emotional breakdown over cartoon dogs. 😂

One minute you’re laughing at Muffin, the next you’re questioning your entire parenting approach.

How does a 7-minute episode manage to understand childhood AND motherhood this well?!

#Bluey #ParentingHumour #ToddlerParenting #MotherhoodUnfiltered #ChildDevelopment by @theteachingmother_

There’s a very specific kind of pressure that comes with your toddler screaming, crying and refusing to move in public. People are looking. Nothing you’re saying is working. And you can feel yourself getting more stressed by the second.

Suddenly you feel like you need to prove you’re doing something about it.

But when a toddler is that upset, the skills we’re asking them to use are often the exact skills they’re still developing.

They can know they’re not allowed to hit and still hit when they’re furious. They can know it’s time to leave the park and still cry the whole way to the car.

Knowing what to do and being able to do it when you’re overwhelmed are two different things.

That’s why I changed what I say.

Not because these phrases magically stop tantrums. Sometimes my child is still screaming. Sometimes I’m still carrying them out of the park while they beg me to go back.

The boundary hasn’t changed.

“I know you’re angry. I won’t let you hit.”

“You really wanted another one. The answer is still no.”

“I know you don’t want to leave. We’re still going.”

Research into children’s emotional development shows us that learning to manage big feelings takes time and happens through repeated support from the adults around them.

Understanding the behaviour doesn’t mean allowing the behaviour.

I can say no.

I can hold the boundary.

And my child is still allowed to be upset about it.

#ToddlerBehaviour #ToddlerParenting #ToddlerTantrums #ChildDevelopment #EmotionalRegulation by @theteachingmother_

I was watching my kids at the park the other day and noticed how quickly so many children, mine included, moved on.

Obstacle course? 30 seconds in, it gets tricky, and they’re off.
Swings? Someone’s on them. Too long to wait.
Onto the next thing. And the next.

I see it at home too. Toys everywhere, yet I still hear, “Mum, what are we doing now?”

And here’s what I meant when I said adults have played a bigger role in this than we’d like to admit.

We offer another activity when they’re bored. Jump in when play gets difficult. Fill weekends because doing nothing feels like we’re not doing enough.

And sometimes I put on a screen because I’m exhausted and just need 20 minutes. I’m absolutely guilty of that.

After my Thread reached 21K views, the comments gave me even more to think about.

One mum said her child played with a piece of string all day. Another described her 5 year old getting lost in a 100 piece puzzle.

Others pointed out that even screen free days can be packed with activities directed by adults.

And SO many parents have told me their children have rooms full of toys, but won’t play with them unless Mum or Dad sits down and joins in.

One educator reminded me that starting and sustaining play are skills some children need help learning. A teacher in Finland said she isn’t seeing the same thing there.

A small 2018 study of 36 toddlers found they played longer with individual toys when offered 4 instead of 16. It doesn’t explain the park, but it made me think.

So I’m trying a 30 day experiment with my own kids.

I want to help them start their own games, build on their ideas, keep trying when it gets tricky and get truly lost in their imagination.

To feel bored without me rushing to fix it.

I’ll still play with them, of course. I’ll help them start when they need me. But I also want to learn when to step back.

Not forcing them to finish. Not timing them. Just giving their play room to grow.

Welcome to The Great Re-Play.
30 days to take childhood off fast forward.

#TheGreatReplay #ChildLedPlay #PlayBasedLearning #IndependentPlay #EarlyChildhoodEducation by @theteachingmother_

3 year olds are WILD.

I love this age please don’t get me wrong, they are the cutest little things but some days are 🌪️ .

They want independence but HOW DARE YOU let them do something themselves.

They want help but DON’T TOUCH IT.

They tell you to go away, then scream because you left.

And the attitude?!

Excuse me, why am I being spoken to like an incompetent employee by someone who still needs help wiping their bum? 💀

It’s 8am. My coffee is cold. I’ve already been yelled at six times and apparently everything is my fault.

I love you more than life itself, but goodness me. 😂

Three year old parents, PLEASE tell me we’re all living the same life.

#ThreeYearOld #ToddlerMum #ToddlerParenting #MotherhoodUnfiltered ToddlerMeme by @theteachingmother_

Before anyone reads this as “let toddlers do whatever they want,” that’s not what I’m saying.

I’m saying a toddler can KNOW the rule and still struggle to follow it.

They can know hitting hurts and still hit when they’re angry.

Know it’s time to leave and still run the other way.

Hear “don’t touch” and touch it again 30 seconds later.

Put their own shoes on yesterday and suddenly need your help today.

That doesn’t automatically mean they’re being manipulative, disrespectful or deliberately difficult.

Between 2 and 4, the skills needed to stop an impulse, manage disappointment, shift attention, wait and think before acting are still developing.

Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child explains that executive function and self-regulation develop through repeated practice and supportive interactions.

These aren’t skills children suddenly master because we’ve explained the rule.

And developmental psychologist Lev Vygotsky’s work helps explain why adult support matters. Children can often accomplish more with guidance than they can independently.

So no, I’m not saying let them hit.

I’m not saying never tell them no.

And I’m definitely not saying children shouldn’t have boundaries.

Stop the hitting.
Hold their hand near the road.
Say no when the answer is no.
Show them what to do instead.

Because understanding WHY a toddler behaves a certain way doesn’t mean accepting every behaviour.

It means recognising when the skill we’re expecting is still being learnt.

Sometimes that means repeating yourself 20 times.

Sometimes it means helping them calm down before they can listen.

And sometimes it means helping them do something they managed perfectly well yesterday.

We need to stop expecting the finished skill while we’re still teaching it.

Hold the boundary. Teach the skill. Practise it again tomorrow.

Because understanding the why behind toddler behaviour doesn’t make you permissive.

It makes you better equipped to teach the how.

Sources: Harvard Center on the Developing Child, Lev Vygotsky, American Academy of Pediatrics.

#ToddlerBehaviour #ToddlerParenting #ChildDevelopment #ParentingToddlers #Mother by @theteachingmother_

One of my biggest fears raising a free-spirited little boy is that he’ll spend so much of his childhood being corrected, he’ll eventually believe there’s something wrong with him.

And as an early childhood teacher, that genuinely worries me.

Because I’ve seen how easily the child who struggles to sit still, talks constantly, interrupts or needs to move becomes the child who’s always hearing:

“Sit down.”
“Stop talking.”
“Why can’t you just listen?”
“How many times do I have to tell you?”

And here’s what I wish more adults understood.

Children don’t always separate being told their behaviour is wrong from feeling like THEY are wrong.

Especially when they’re hearing the same corrections every day.

Research from Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child explains that self-control, attention and impulse regulation develop gradually through practice and supportive relationships.

Some children need more time and guidance than others.

So when a child repeatedly struggles to stop, wait or listen, we need to consider whether we’re expecting a skill they can consistently manage yet.

That doesn’t mean removing boundaries.

My son needs to learn to wait, listen, respect others and take responsibility when he gets things wrong.

But I want him learning those things because they matter. Not because he’s been made to feel that his personality is something other people have to tolerate.

Because there’s something heartbreaking about imagining a little boy who once ran everywhere, asked a hundred questions and was completely comfortable being himself, eventually becoming embarrassed by those things.

Not because he developed better self-control.

But because he started worrying about what everyone thought of him.

I’ll keep teaching him.
I’ll keep holding boundaries.
I’ll keep expecting him to learn.

But I never want him to confuse having things to work on with being someone who needs fixing.

He has things to learn.

And there is nothing wrong with who he is. ❤️

#BoyMum #RaisingBoys #ChildDevelopment #ParentingKids #MotherhoodUnfiltered by @theteachingmother_

You’ve told your toddler not to do something.

They heard you. They looked straight at you.

And then they did it again.

After repeating yourself all day, it’s hard not to feel like they’re deliberately ignoring you.

Because surely, if they know the rule, they should be able to follow it?

But neuroscience tells us something important about toddler behaviour.

Knowing a rule and having the self-control to follow it are two different skills.

Neuroscientist Dr Adele Diamond’s research on executive functions explains how inhibitory control allows us to resist impulses and stop ourselves from acting.

And this ability is still developing throughout childhood.

Your toddler might KNOW they’re not supposed to throw that toy, climb on the table or grab something you’ve told them not to touch.

And STILL struggle to stop themselves.

This is where we often misunderstand toddler discipline.

We assume repeated behaviour means deliberate disobedience.

So we get louder. Repeat ourselves. Threaten consequences.

But sometimes the problem isn’t understanding the rule.

It’s controlling the impulse.

Research from Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child shows that self-regulation develops through practice, experience and adult support.

So instead of repeating “Stop throwing!” another ten times, calmly remove the toy and offer something safe to throw.

Instead of repeatedly saying “Get down!”, help them down and redirect them somewhere safe to climb.

This isn’t about removing boundaries. It’s about helping children develop the skills to follow them.

After 17 years working with children, and now raising my own, there’s one thing I wish more parents understood.

A toddler who knows better doesn’t always have the skills to do better.

Sometimes they don’t need another warning.

They need us to stop repeating the rule and help them follow it.

Understanding the why changes the how. 💛

#ToddlerBehaviour #ToddlerDiscipline #ChildDevelopment #ParentingToddlers #GentleParenting by @theteachingmother_