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Ruby May

@_.ruby.may._

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Wisdom-keeper, mischief-maker | mentor & facilitator for a world being rewoven
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Bubbling up the creativity Until it's ready to be birthed into the world Not thru some pre programmed plan or reason But through the inner aliveness. This is what @_.ruby.may._ calls the cultivation of YIN and with YANG births into form creations we ourselves and the world need. Releasing the pressures of the go Being with that what's inside ... the bubbling feeling 🫧 I love the delicacy even in Ruby's voice as she shares this Delicacy of the process in her words Listen to the full episode on YINtentions comment "13" for the easy link #yinrhythms #storiesweweretoldnottotell #bodyintelligence by @_.ruby.may._
I smiled at a man - a stranger - the other day. I feel a bit ridiculous writing this, but it touched something deeply in me personally but something I also sense in the collective: how do we acknowledge the harm done and still find our way back into connection? So I decided to write about it in my new Substack. Link is in my bio. I’d love to know how it lands.🖤 by @_.ruby.may._
There was a map Thank goodness there was a map. Because now there isn't one. It's not easy in my skin right now. - @_.ruby.may._ On the journey of cyclical map to menopause and the gift and common sense of cycle tracking while we are bleeding and ovulating. To when we are not and the lack of map and a whole new way of being. Thankful to you Ruby. The authenticity, care and reverence to life's learnings that you pour to me through your sharing and your presence. Check out the new story on YINtentions podcast Anywhere you listen. #yinrhythms #yintentions #storiesweweretoldnottotell #womentellingstories by @_.ruby.may._
Any other Autumn fairies out there? A few snapshots from last weekend’s harvest full moon and the weeks preceding. I adore this magical time of year and the invitation to get a bit wistful at the shortening days, and simultaneously marvel at life: the plump berries and curling leaves - so festive and bright, the abundance of summer’s harvest, increasing opportunities to get cosy and crafting. A reminder that it’s the limitations and finiteness of life that make it so precious. Happy me. Wishing you a delicious and gentle descent into the darkness if you’re a northern hemisphere dweller. May your ears be delighted by the satisfying crunch of leaves, may your apple crumbles be sweet and tangy and your heart feel the warmth of receiving all the goodness, as we welcome nature’s exhale… by @_.ruby.may._
I want those of us in female bodies to become exquisitely literate to the different kind of power within us, trusting that it doesn’t have to be visible for it to be real. To notice this not just within ourselves, but in each other. To normalise naming it, praising it, affirming it, and in doing so, consecrate it, until it becomes impossible to overlook. Read more in my Substack, link in the comments 🔥 by @_.ruby.may._
I’ve been thinking about polarisation lately and the ways I catch it within myself and my clients. The tendency to make ourselves or someone else good or bad. To decide who is right and who is wrong. To locate all the responsibility over there, or all of it here. To believe we have to choose between caring for ourselves and caring for others. These binaries can feel reassuring, particularly when we’re overwhelmed or under threat. They give us something definite to hold onto. But they can also keep us stuck. The work of holding complexity isn’t about becoming vague, endlessly questioning ourselves, or refusing to name harm. It’s about developing the capacity to see more than one truth at once — and discovering that we often have more choices available to us than we thought. This is some of the work I love doing in my one-on-one coaching and mentoring: creating space to slow down, notice what is happening beneath the familiar story, understand our patterns, and find new ways of responding. The capacity to stay curious, connected and reflective in the face of difference isn’t just personal work: It’s a practice for living in polarised times. If this is something you’re exploring too, I’d love to work with you. ✨ Send me a pm or click the link in my bio to book a free chat with me. by @_.ruby.may._
Masculinity is a complex topic, often somewhat charged, and one that I believe deserves to be given much more time and space for exploration, unpacking and uplifting. ⠀ And so it makes sense to listen to, learn and be inspired through a variety of different voices, which is exactly what’s happening at the forthcoming free Initiated Man Summit, beginning this coming week. ⠀ I am honoured to be one of a minority of female speakers, but there are many other male voices from different cultures, backgrounds, and walks of life. If you’re a man reading this (although it’s open to anyone!) you’re warmly invited to sign up. ⠀ The focus in not on rejecting masculinity, but expanding it, by becoming more present, more emotionally alive, more embodied, more relational, and more deeply rooted in love, integrity, and service. ⠀ Over three days you’ll discover: ⠀ • Why so many successful men still struggle with intimacy and connection. • How to relate to sexual energy as a source of vitality rather than performance. • What initiation actually means - and why so many men are hungry for it. • Practical ways to build stronger relationships, greater emotional resilience, and deeper purpose. • How to move beyond outdated ideas of masculinity without losing your strength. ⠀ Find out and reserve your spot with the link in my bio by @_.ruby.may._
As we countdown to The Initiated Man Summit, I’m so excited to begin sharing with you the incredible experts that will be joining us. Allow me to introduce you to the first five... ⛰️ Conroy Harris: The Shadow Side of Men’s Work Conroy Harris (@dumahbear) is one of the UK’s most respected elders in men’s work, bringing over 25 years of experience in mental health, shadow work, and rites of passage mentoring. ⛰️ Niall Graham: Healing the Split in the Psyche Niall Graham (@_niall_graham_) is a men’s mentor and facilitator with over a decade of experience guiding men through shadow work, authentic leadership, and relationship. ⛰️ Ruby May: Beyond the Blame Game - A Rare Female Perspective on Men Working closely with both men and the Feminine, Ruby May (@_.ruby.may._) brings a rare perspective on the misunderstandings, projections, and possibilities that shape modern masculinity. ⛰️ Faisal Khokhar: The 5 Masculine Fractures Hurting your Dates, Intimacy & Confidence Faisal (@coachfaisalk) is a certified men’s coach and international speaker who helps men identify the hidden patterns that undermine their confidence, relationships, and sense of self. ⛰️ Taylor Chambers: The Pivot from Porn to Relational Intimacy Taylor (@thegoodandthefree) is a licensed marriage and family therapist and sexual health coach who helps men move beyond problematic porn use into deeper intimacy and authentic connection. The Initiated Man Summit is FREE and takes place online, 29th-31st July 🖤 🔗 Registration is now open via the link in my bio. by @_.ruby.may._
𝗪𝗲 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸 𝗮 𝗹𝗼𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻’𝘀 𝗯𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗿𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗺𝗲𝗻’𝘀. ⠀ I think that many men feel a lack of permission to have boundaries in their relationships with women. ⠀ Why? ⠀ I imagine there are many threads to follow here, but one I’ve been sitting with, is what happens when we live in a culture in which many women identify as - and are seen as - the victims of a transgenerational gender war. ⠀ In this dynamic, a man’s boundary becomes a potential act of harm rather than an act of integrity, because they’ve been positioned as the ones with power and the capacity to hurt, while women have been positioned as the ones who need protecting. ⠀ None of this is to deny that many women have experienced real violence or intimidation at the hands of men. My interest is in what happens psychologically when this story becomes the primary lens through which men and women encounter one another, and when the story becomes so total that we lose sight of men’s vulnerability too. ⠀ I see many men who identify as 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘮𝘦𝘯,who don’t want to be the ‘cause’ of a woman’s pain, and who - rather than risk being cast as the aggressor for expressing a boundary - fall into self-abandonment, sacrificing their agency, going silent and withdrawing. ⠀ The result is disconnection, resentment, suffering, and rupture to relationship. As a woman, I confess that in the past I have not always made it easy for the men I have been intimately relating with. I know what it is to be loving until I stop getting what I want. How in response to my feeling unsafe, I withdraw my love in an act of unconscious control dressed up as self-protection. I have witnessed myself unable to tolerate my partner’s boundaries without reactivity or fear, reinforcing the very thing that makes him afraid to have one. New Substack out today, link in my bio 🔥 by @_.ruby.may._
I nearly didn’t share this as a voice in me told me I was being overly critical, cynical…and that I might even be accused of hating on men (which could not be further from the truth). And then when I felt deeper into this I realised that I was internalising the exact thing I wanted to write about: the lack of trust in my own perception. I think of a life-time of countless ways I have mistrusted my reading of reality. How easy it is to feel like something is off or out of integrity or doesn’t feel quite right and to quickly assume this reflects something wrong with me. I should feel differently. I should be stronger. I shouldn’t be having this kind of experience. It’s always “What’s wrong with me”? rather than “What am I accurately perceiving?” I think of all the times I have endured something, stayed longer than I should have. Made choices that my body knew weren’t right for me. The times I have outsourced my own authority to experts, projected on to others who know more. I think of the exhaustion over time through constant inner negotiating and self-doubt. How much anger I must have denied and swallowed, how much I have edited myself around others and made myself smaller than I am. And if you know me, you will know that I can also be confident, creative, eloquent and powerful and unashamedly me… and yet this undertow has always been there beneath the surface. I’m not ashamed to talk about it because I know that this kind of self-doubt also impacts you, or someone you love. And my heart is longing for a world in which our perception and wisdom as women is given its rightful place. Continue reading in my latest Substack, link in my bio 🔥 by @_.ruby.may._
Yesterday I turned 47 and I believe it’s my first birthday I ever spent on my own…and I’m happy to say that in these years of inhabiting this planet, I am so blessed to have developed such capacity to enjoy my own company and life! I had an exquisite day, just following my flow, doing all the things I love… writing, whizzing around on an electric bicycle, eating in the historical part of a local town, here in Lazio, Italy, chatting to strangers, reading good fiction, communing with nature and the incredible lake here that is only fed by underwater springs and fills my senses with such delight… heart, happy and full. Thank you life! And thank you to everyone who makes my life richer 💙💦💫 by @_.ruby.may._
A few weeks ago, a male friend shared a popular reel of the poet David Whyte talking about the act of weeping being the closest thing to the state of enlightenment. It struck me how different it would be if a woman were to talk about this. When a well-spoken and educated, middle-aged white man professes the spirituality of weeping… it suddenly is. There is a collective receptivity and trust in his voice that is unparalleled. ⠀ I sat in the echo of watching this reel for some weeks, feeling it grating on me and yet reluctant to write about it. Feeling into my resistance, I came into contact with my fear of being seen as resentful or man-hating or overly critical. And then feeling more into this, realised that this is the internalised version of the exact dynamic I actually want to write about: our collective mistrust in female perception. ⠀ Instead of trusting my own perception and acknowledging my accurate social reading, I reframe it as some kind of personal failing or character flaw of mine… evidence that I am too small and bitter to see clearly. ⠀ So, instead of me judging my irritation, allow me to trust and follow it for a moment, and name a few other connected examples (and I’m sure you have plenty of your own). A recent one: a body-oriented coaching accreditation program I participated in, where a group of 95% female participants were guided by a male teacher, through a company that is run by a man. ⠀ My Linkedin feed, where I see men on a daily basis market themselves as experts and consultants to companies and organisations around regenerative leadership and business practices, meanwhile so many of the women I know who practice menstrual cycle awareness religiously - who are the very embodiment of regeneration - are struggling to find their way in the world. ⠀ A large, international organisation that teaches relational skills and practices through expensive trainings and festivals - run by two men. …continued in the comments by @_.ruby.may._

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