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_half_chosen

@_half_chosen

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For the ones who can’t say it out loud. Married to the choice. Not to the story.

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I have memorized the sound of your car pulling away but I have no idea what you sound like half asleep.

I know exactly how long it takes you to text me “made it home safe” after you leave, but I don’t know how you take your coffee. I don’t know if you’re quiet in the morning or if you need music on. I don’t know what your hair looks like before you fix it.

We live our whole love story in the middle of the day. We never get the beginning or the end. No “stay, just five more minutes.” No falling back asleep with someone. No morning breath, no messy kitchen, no nothing.

We have years of I love yous and we have never once had the most human part of love. Just waking up next to it.

Does anyone else know what that’s like? To know someone so deeply and still not know their mornings? by @_half_chosen

3k

105

2 months ago

I never asked because if you said yes, then I’d have to be honest about what that meant.

It meant I’d leave too. My house. My marriage. The life I built. The man sleeping next to me when I checked your Instagram at midnight.

You thought I was scared you’d say no. I was scared you’d say yes and I’d realize in one second how easily I would burn it all down for you.

That’s why I stayed quiet, not because I didn’t love you enough to ask.

Because I did. by @_half_chosen

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2 months ago

I have to stalk his Instagram like a stranger just to see his face. Meanwhile I have spent years memorizing his face in private. I watch his life through a screen.

He posts everything. His work, his dogs, his wife, his family, his dinner. His whole life is documented.

Just never me.

That’s what’s so sad about this kind of love. It’s not just that you don’t have photos together, it’s that you have nothing to anchor any of the moments to. No picture from that random Tuesday in July that was actually one of the best days of your life. No proof that any of it actually happened.

It all just has to live in your head.

Save this for when you need proof you didn’t imagine it 🤍🖤 by @_half_chosen

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42

2 months ago

You are still my favorite hello and my hardest goodbye.

If you have ever had a person who feels like home but you cannot fully come home to, this is for you. The kind of love that lives in late night messages and borrowed hours.

I write about the in between. The loving and the waiting and the choosing even when you cannot fully keep each other.

Follow along if you live here too.🤍🖤 by @_half_chosen

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26

5 days ago

It always starts with the story you both agree to tell. Just friends. Just talking. Just someone who finally understands you.

But you feel the truth in the small things. The way you wait for their name to appear. The way you reread old messages. The way you tell yourself it is nothing while your whole day orbits around them.

This is for the slow unraveling, when pretending gets too heavy to hold and you finally stop lying to yourself about what it is.

If you have ever stayed inside that friendship label because saying the real thing out loud felt too dangerous, you belong here. I write for the love we hide in plain sight 🤍🖤 by @_half_chosen

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10 days ago

You think the longer you do this, the easier it gets. It doesn’t. You think time will teach you how to hide it better. It just gives you more years you have to explain. More to lose. More to be careful with. It is lonely, heavy work and no one really talks about it. If that is where you are tonight, I see you. You belong here. 🤍 by @_half_chosen

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18 days ago

You learn how to hold two truths at the same time. You learn how to be loyal and still be longing. You learn how to keep everything together while your heart lives in a place it cannot stay. It is lonely work and no one really talks about it. If that is where you are tonight, I see you. You belong here.🤍 by @_half_chosen

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21 days ago

There’s a grief that comes with meeting someone you know you could have loved forever... ten years too late.

It’s not just him you miss. It’s the easier version of love you never got to have. The one where you didn’t have to hide his name. Where you didn’t have to love him in whispers and borrowed hours. Where you could have just loved him out loud.

Before the rings. Before the promises. Before you both learned how to stay where you are.

You don’t want to blow up your life. You just can’t stop wondering about the life where you found each other first.

If you carry that what-if too, you’re not the only one living with it.

I write about it here every night - the love that had to stay invisible to survive. Follow @_half_chosen if you need a place to put it. 🤍🖤 by @_half_chosen

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25 days ago

Loving the life you built and aching for a life that doesn’t exist yet, all at the same time. Feeling guilty for even wanting it. Feeling more alive than you have in years when you let yourself think about it.

This is the part no one talks about.

You did everything right. You built the stable, enviable, good-on-paper life you said you wanted. You checked all the boxes. And still you feel torn in half at night.

One foot in the life you built. One foot in a life you keep imagining.

If you live in that split too, you’re not the only one.

I write about this in-between every day here. The thoughts you can’t say out loud anywhere else. Follow @_half_chosen if you need a place to put them. 🤍🖤 by @_half_chosen

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a month ago

I’ve gotten so good at making my phone look like you don’t exist.

So good at clearing the chat. Clearing the notification before it even lights up. Making sure there’s never anything there if someone picks it up.

No one would ever know by looking at my phone how much of my day is you.

That’s the lonely part. Not just that I can’t keep anything. It’s that I have to pretend I don’t want to.

I have to act like it doesn’t hurt to delete the one thing I want to keep more than anything.

I don’t have a camera roll of us. I don’t have a chat history to scroll back through when I miss you. I don’t have that random Tuesday in July saved anywhere.

It all has to live in my head. And some days my head doesn’t feel like enough proof that any of it was real.

Does anyone else know what it’s like to have to delete the thing you want to keep most?

Save this for when you start to feel like you made it all up 🤍 by @_half_chosen

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a month ago

Have you ever wished you’d get caught just so you’d finally have to let go?
.
Not because you want anyone to get hurt. But because you don’t trust yourself to walk away on your own.
.
emotional affair
loving someone who isn’t yours
forbidden love confession
.
Comment 🤍 if you’ve said goodbye and meant it, but one text brought you back by @_half_chosen

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3 months ago

Have you ever had an anniversary that doesn’t exist on any calendar?
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Not your wedding. The other one. The first text. The day you first touched. The day you knew.
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secret anniversary
loving someone you shouldn’t
when you have too much to lose but you want them anyway
forbidden love
.
Save this for the days only you remember 🤍🖤 by @_half_chosen

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13

2 months ago