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michelle🌺

@_mchellev

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‘95 | SD | 👼🏼💙
𝑠𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑏𝑦 𝑔𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑒, 𝑔𝑢𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑑 𝑏𝑦 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒♡✞

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“Though my baby does not dwell in my belly or my arms, his soul dwells in the most sacred corner of my heart — where love knows no goodbyes.”

A mother to a little angel that we both share up there🪽

Happy Heavenly due date, my baby boy💙 #911

••• by @_mchellev

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9

a year ago

—today was my due date👼🏼💔

Becoming a mom, carrying love & grief at the same time is the most cruel thing ever. Regardless the length or outcome of pregnancy, it does not define nor make you any less of one. For months, I nurtured a growing heart to a body that was forming. I experienced the symptoms/hormonal changes, contractions & pain identical to labor, & a surgery that destabilized me. I celebrated Mother’s Day without my baby in my womb. I suffered death in my own body & that’s a scar forever embedded in me. I’ll never get that fortuity back of being pregnant for the first time again. So I choose to celebrate MY baby’s existence & to remember my greatest loss💙

Pregnancy & the last six months have been an extremely tough ride that I had to endure independently, with the absence of support. From being pregnant, navigating grief, surviving postpartum(mentally, emotionally, physically), helplessly regulating my body naturally, & comprehending multiple profoundly senseless & deceitful abandonment/betrayal/harassment(easy validation). All while trying to heal from chronic medical conditions & a multitude of other things that I didn’t deserve. Till now, I’m still maneuvering through it all.

Although not perfected, I’m flourishing in every aspect surrounding myself. After all I’ve faced this year — I’m proud to say that I still move with the purest intentions, genuine kindness, a truthful mouth, & a graceful heart. I’m far beyond the version I was a year ago, months ago, even yesterday. God not only taught me to love but to forgive, which only a rare amount of people can do.

Life’s too short for vengeance, hate, or surrounding yourself with destructive people who have no positive impact to your wellbeing/life. Peace, growth, & healing, a family, a loving home, & a future is far more valuable than any external disturbances. Who you surround yourself with, matters. My character walks humbly & truthfully with God, not evil.

You can’t play victim to the mistakes you chose to make. You can’t get peace by purposely hurting/lying to someone. Actions speak louder than words. What you’re not changing, you’re choosing.

Love is how you treat somebody. by @_mchellev

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2

a year ago

𝐵𝒶𝒷𝓎 𝒢𝒶𝓁𝓁𝒶𝓇𝓉𝑒👼🏼🪽

The anticipation between feeling I was pregnant, to seeing those two bright lines and the words “pregnant”, to waiting for our first ultrasound appointment was the most daunting moments ever. I took multiple test just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming or going crazy and my intuition was right. I was so scared yet extremely happy that we were going to be introducing a new member in addition to us — half of me & half of you, just like the future we talked about and were preparing for. A new life created from love was starting to grow inside of me sooner than expected.

The unexplainable feeling in my belly, the emotional breakdowns, the extreme fatigue, the body aches, the smell sensitivity, the fast weight gain and the heightened hunger for food was out of this world. I was so excited when I finally got to see our precious teeny little miracle on the screen.

What came next was something I was not ready for. I endured ultrasounds, multiple blood work, underwent surgery (due to how many weeks I was) & a painful recovery full of contractions all by myself.

Our little one would have joined us just in time for the Holidays but God had other plans for him. Our baby is now in Heaven and I am now grieving this loss of ours.

My pregnancy journey may have been short lived but I am now a mommy to an angel. You are forever a part of me, a part of us. I love you, I love you, I love you💙

•••

To God - thank you for allowing my body to bear a child even if time was limited. I am forever grateful for this blessing✝️🕊️

To my love - thank you for being patient & supportive even while being away for weeks on a ship, hundreds of miles apart where you’re stationed, & training in another state. You are part of the reason as to why I got to experience this journey. I love you so much❤️⚓️

To the moms - Happy Early Mother’s Day to all the mamas with children both earth side & in Heaven. Every mama deserves to be celebrated & every baby is worthy of being known and remembered💐 taken in Lemoore, California by @_mchellev

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a year ago

💔🪽

Left me while I was pregnant? Yes but I forgave him.
Left me the day my body was restrained for surgery and went under to remove 𝘰𝘶𝘳 baby from my uterus? Yes but I forgave him.
Left me while recovering from post partum(still am)? Yes but I forgave him.
Left me after being deceitful? Yes but I forgave him.
Left me after infidelity? Yes but I forgave him.

Being in a committed relationship with the already made plans of marriage — choosing other people before us, lying/deleting things, lusting over females online that are far younger than you, confiding to girls that I don’t know behind my back, and messing with a chopped coworker within your command that is married with kids is insane.

Even after all the disrespect, I was still kind and chose you.

My baby & I didn’t deserve any of that.

#healing #pregnancyandinfantlossawareness by @_mchellev

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0

a year ago

till it burns🔥

#gym #gymgirls #gymbesties taken in Chula Vista, California by @_mchellev

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0

4 days ago

JJWL SAN DIEGO XIX🥋🩵
“You either win or you learn”

First time cutting weight & went against some tough opponents in a 6-woman bracket. Sadly didn’t place but I had so much fun supporting and watching my jiu jitsu family kick ass! Definitely learned what weaknesses I need to improve on. Back to the mats & gym I go!🫶🏽

#jjwl #alliancejiujitsu #9months #154 taken in Del Mar Fairgrounds by @_mchellev

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8 days ago

—this & that💖 taken in (PIFA) Pacific Islander Festival by @_mchellev

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18 days ago

Introspection: My biggest opponent has always been my mental health, particularly after losing my baby last year.

Starting jiu jitsu was the unexpected but heavily thought of, very powerful form of therapy I knew I needed to start after several months of recovery. It has opened my eyes to the potential I have within myself beyond what I could have ever imagined, in all parts of my life.

Fighting has taught me how to remain calm under pressure, gave me the discipline to consistently show up for myself everyday, provided the confidence in not being afraid to compete against people who are much stronger or bigger than me, and tremendously contributed to my mental state & physical goals.

My mind has transformed & my body is more resilient than ever before.

Your competition is you.

“𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘺. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩.” ♡

• • •

#jiujitsu #healingjourney #grief #postpartum by @_mchellev

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7

a month ago

Self reflection: Different goals. Different priorities. Different perspectives. Different purpose. Different mindset. Different body. A different version of me.

I’ve outgrown the people I once thought I needed, let go of things I never thought I’d lose grasp of, & found pieces of myself I didn’t even know existed.

Here’s to the rest of this year being kinder, happier, & full of everything I’m reaching for.

God‘s plan, not mines💛

#healing #grief #orbiter #noahkahan taken in San Diego, California by @_mchellev

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2 months ago

—camera’s pov from my first two tournaments📹🔥 next one’s in October!

#jjwl #jiujitsuworldleague #alliancejiujitsu #bjj #165 by @_mchellev

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2 months ago

—bits & pieces🌼 (ignore my bruised knee lol) by @_mchellev

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1

2 months ago

𝑇𝑜𝑝 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑜𝑑𝑖𝑢𝑚 — kept this fight a secret but I captured the gold with two submissions!🥹🥇💪🏽

📍Anaheim Convention Center

*short clip in highlights*

•••

#alliancejiujitsu #jjwl #fourthdegree #kalinawbjj #7months taken in Anaheim Convention Center by @_mchellev

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3 months ago