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Baharay Gul

@_saucyspaghetti_

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From the river to the sea, 🇵🇸 will be free.
For sharing my thoughts through writings.
me🤝existential crisis

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/Dandelions/

Sitting on the edge of a sidewalk,
I realized the mediocrity of life.
From brushing my teeth to sleeping while reading a book,
Life itself is inherently mundane.
I do not see chaos in the world which exists inside my head.
The constant self-talks in background, them floating bubbles of old memories in the crevices of my brain,
This overwhelming feeling of existential suffering and, at times, complete numbness.
Every thought and feeling scattered in my brain,
Like clothes strewn across in an untidy room.
I feel tired of disciplining my thoughts,
As a proctor tires of lining up students in an assembly hall.
I whisper to my thoughts to stay at one place,
But they keep floating like dandelions in my head.
Oh, I wish I could write more about the chaos of human brains,
To the point of nervous breakdowns...
-NM
#writings by @_saucyspaghetti_

/Eid-ul-Adha/

It was 8 a.m in the morning in the middle of June. The Sun had barely risen, yet its rays promised another sweltering day ahead. Lately, Parishay had not felt this much tired as she was feeling nowadays. Her stressful job had sucked life out of her. Lying on her bed, her heart felt as heavy as the chandelier hanging from the roof. Parishay wanted to sleep a little more.
It was the first day of Eid, a day that once sparkled joy and anticipation in her. She felt as if she has nothing to look forward to and celebrate today. Her favourite sister and age fellow cousins, her companions in Eid's festivities, had gotten married and had moved to another city. She didn't want to dress up and wanted to sleep all day on Eid.
"What is the point of getting all dressed up in this heat?"
While having such self-defeating thoughts, she heard sounds of the goat bleating in the background. From the kitchen, she heard soothing sound of takbeerat which her mother was listening to.

اللهُ أَكْبَرُ اللَّهُ أَكْبَرُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللهُ وَاللهُ أَكْبَرُ اللَّهُ أَكْبَرُ وَلِلَّهِ الْحَمْدُ-
"Allah is the greatest, Allah is the greatest. There is no deity (no god) besides Allah and Allah is the greatest. Allah is the greatest and to Allah all praises belong."

The voice of beautiful recitation was echoing in the whole house, a melodious contrast to the amalgam of her self-defeating thoughts.

"Allah hu Akbar"- "Allah is the greatest and to Allah all praise belongs."

While listening to them, memories of her Quran teacher's words resonated with her reminding her of the actual meaning of "Allahu Akbar". He said that when you say "Allahh Akbar" you are accepting that Allah is bigger than your problems, anxieties and every person or situation you feel afraid of.

That's true but why do we have to celebrate Eid? The question lingered in her mind. To commemorate the sacrifice of our father, Hazrat Ibrahim (A.S). That Allah who owns everything in this world and who is greater than your every problem, wants you to commemorate this day. She got answers from the Quran class she attended a year ago.

-Continued in comments by @_saucyspaghetti_

/Anger/

During a windy night, I saw a tall guy playing basketball despite having a limp in his left leg,
Aiming at the basket, he made goals after goals.
Others could see the effort he had to exert just to make one goal,
But he was remarkable in his performance.
One of his mates, seeing him from afar, and slightly jealous, came to snatch that basketball from him.
"Oh, you limpy boy, just go home and rot in your bed. You are not meant for this."
In that very moment, that tall boy held back the wave of anger,
Anger ignited by heart-piercing words.
Being extremely hurt, for a split second, he imagined himself throwing that basketball in his mate's head.
He also had the choice to retaliate with same kind of filthy words but instead,
He started bouncing that basketball with full force,
So much force that he could feel his anger channeling through basketball.
The bounces became more frequent, accelerating with each strike.
Within minutes, the moment of anger passed away.
He gave the basketball to the guy, with respect.
And whispered to himself, "I did it, again."
He reminded himself of his moral promise and how he lived up to it.
Of never losing his calm demeanor with people who deliberately try to put him down with hurtful words.
It was far more worth achieving than making goals.
Keeping his moral promise to himself, he went to sit on a bench and started observing other players in silence.
And whispered to himself,
"Grace...!!!"
-NM
#writings by @_saucyspaghetti_

/The Boiling Frog: The Fall of a Focused Society/

Ever noticed how rare of a sight it is becoming to see a sibling or a friend engrossed in his/her favourite book?

It is becoming kinda rare how people used to obsess over their long-term hobbies and be more laser focused in life in general. People would read newspapers for hours, paint for hours, or continuously study even if it was a subject they despised. Someone would struggle for hours to write something creative, and would go underground to work hard for their academic goals.

People would passionately read novels days in and out and exchange books. Binge watch their favorite seasons all day long without feeling restless. Some would spend hours playing their favourite game until it became part of their identity, while others pushed themselves for days just to learn something new.

All of this has now succumbed to our poor attention spans.

Our brains need a certain state to achieve such focus, and this fast-moving world full of momentary pleasures is disrupting that rhythm. The awake ones would have already noticed the shift happening in society. People are now drowned in instant gratification, leading to shallow thinking and lives that often lack meaning.

Your workplace may be a source of sustenance, but it does not always provide meaning to your life.

Just like the analogy of the boiling frog, when you are drowning in this fake dopamine, you don’t realize that it is slowly eating you alive. The real dopamine you feel while reading books, the passion you feel while pursuing your goals, the rush of emotions you feel while following a long season, the natural endorphins and serotonin your body releases while playing games; are slowly fading away.

The overall calmth in society is dampening, and so is our ability to think between the lines. No wonder we now have generations of people living on autopilot, slowly killing their precious emotions in exchange for instant gratification.

And the scariest part is that we don’t even realize what we are losing until the silence feels uncomfortable, the focus feels impossible, and the things that once gave us meaning star by @_saucyspaghetti_

/Beauty in Imperfection/

Being human means you were never meant to be perfect.

You will mess up many things in life, and you will also grow in places you never expected yourself to.
It is human to struggle to move on after a huge loss.
It is human to fall into the same sin you promised every Ramadan you would never return to.
It is human to forget how many rak‘ahs you have prayed in namaz.
It is human to feel lost after making major life decision.
It is human to feel moments of happiness even while carrying grief.
It is human to doubt your journey even after choosing what was right.
It is human to understand life gradually, day by day, not all at once.
It is human to disagree even with the people you love the most.

It is also human to grow tired, to need reassurance, to pause, and to begin again.
To pray with a heavy heart.
To heal slowly instead of suddenly.
To outgrow versions of yourself you once thought you’d always be.

We are all on this earth trying to figure life out sometimes together, but most of the time, alone in our own minds.

Yet we are all making an effort.
And that effort matters more than perfection ever will.

You are a perfect mess of your imperfections.

N.M by @_saucyspaghetti_

/Square One/

The air smells like Septembers, soft and cool.
I sit outside at night staring at the shining stars with the smell of leaves ready to humble themselves to earth.

A graceful white bird, name unknown to me, silently gliding above,
while tiny mosquitoes quietly drinking the blood out of me giving me natural hijama,
and every gush of air brings back memories of colder days.

Autumn.
It's Autumn, my dear.
As if I whispered to myself.
A soft breath before winters.

While looking at the vast sky, my heart longs to express the greatness of Allah but I feel unable to gather words.

I feel so small in front of Him, His majesty, His Skies, His earths and His unseen worlds that everytime I come back to square one.

Him.

So I sit, fully surrendered,
asking Him only to take care of every thread of my life,
knowing my hands, my choices,
are nothing beside His wisdom.

N.M by @_saucyspaghetti_

/Quran a Gift or a Burden?/

I frequently see videos of multiple people from different parts of the world accepting Islam. After reading the Quran, they speak about its *miraculous nature* when it should have been us teaching them Quran as we are Muslims since birth. They seem to be truly in awe of Allah and Quran SubhanAllah.

But, as a nation, we haven't truly accepted Islam.

We need to pick up this book every single day to see what our Lord is saying to us.

Until we start considering Quran a *divine gift and miracle* in its truest sense, we will never really value it.
Sadly in our culture, Quran is treated as a burden not a Gift. I hope for the day when Islam will be considered the coolest religion (which it already is) and reading Quran would become a trend too.

Is it a gift for you or a burden in your life?
The decision is yours!

-N.M by @_saucyspaghetti_

/Gratitude and Reflection on Prayers/

we ask Allah to "respond" to our prayers,
while we are not responsive to the "needs" (not wants) of the people around us.

we ask Allah to give us rizq,
yet we do not share the rizq He has already given us with His creation.

we ask Allah to give us respect,
while we fail to respect our elders.

we ask Allah for mercy,
yet we are not merciful to children.

we ask Allah for His unconditional love,
yet we abandon the very people we loved for years over petty issues.

we ask Allah to make us humble,
yet we showcase every single nai‘mah online to impress those who don’t have it.

we ask Allah to be forgiving,
yet we hold grudges and refuse to forgive others for years.

we ask Allah to send kind people in our lives, yet we talk in a harsh tone with others.

we ask Allah for honour,
yet we humiliate others within minutes, people whom Allah has chosen to honour.

we ask Allah for His kindness,
yet we are selectively kind to certain people only.

we ask Allah for patience,
yet we lose our patience with those around us over minor things.

we want Allah to make us feel more whole, yet we intentionally make some people feel less.

we ask Allah for hidayah (guidance),
yet we do not read quran for months and we miss our Fajr prayers frequently for the sake of some extra dose of sleep.

we want angels to pray for us,
yet we don’t pray for others.

we ask Allah to send someone to heal us in our hard times, yet we make fun of people suffering from mental health issues.

we ask Allah to not define us because of our sins, yet we look down the people doing the very sin we used to do.

we ask Allah to make our matters easy for us yet we create difficulties for others every single day.

we want Allah to show people that we are genuine but we call other fellow Muslims two faced or munafiq.

we ask Allah to grant us something for years,
and when He finally gives it, we become boastful just like Qaroon and say that it is because of our knowledge not Allah's mercy.

we ask Allah to heal us,
yet we break countless hearts every day with our words.

we ask Allah for so many things,
yet we are not grateful for what He has already given us. by @_saucyspaghetti_

Arafa🌸💕 by @_saucyspaghetti_

/Hope in times of Uncertainty/

This random post of a Pakistani digital creator compelled me to write something about current situation of Pakistan.

I feel like nothing grounds you more than your origins where you spent your childhood.
Pakistan was created in the name of Islam and I think that is what really grounds us as we continue to hope in this country. Living among the people with whom we share our basic Islamic values silently grounds us. ❤️

Last night was extremely heavy for those who could not sleep as many accidentally watched news which was setting grounds for war. Blasts in one city after another. Half news. Lies. Uncertainty.

The uncertainty last night held was real!
Times of acute stress.

We witnessed how grounds were set by 🇮🇳 for war. But we also experienced multiple emotions at the same time.

Fear, anger, hope, determination, courage, anxiety, love, care, concern, happiness, all within few hours.Human beings are allowed to feel two or more opposite emotions at the same time!!

Especially the time between 2 a.m to 5 a.m gave me the reality check that the world WE have created for ourselves holds no power if Allah decides to not protect it. Without Divine help we are nothing.

All those sitting on their duties could feel courageous yet concerned about the people and the land they have loved for years. Everyone is giving a different response to acute stress or potentially vicarious trauma nowadays. Let everyone feel what they are feeling, give hope to each other but do not shame or dismiss others for what they are feeling! And do not dismiss what you are feeling. It is okay if you still feel numb or in denial. You can feel afraid yet hopeful at the same time. Human emotions are more complex than we think. 💕💕💕

We all love this country a lot but DIFFERENTLY, in our own ways. Let us help that love unite us, not divide us. 🇵🇰❤️ by @_saucyspaghetti_

/The Unseen Progress/

The progress we human beings make at micro level is never really documented. We don't really sit with each other to reflect on how our messy lives have become a little less chaotic over the course of a year. Not in literal sense but in a way, we deal with life, in a more composed way than before.

Progress will mean something different to you at every stage of your life. Sometimes, progress is about regaining a lost sense of self after years of being consumed by one aspect of your life whether it is earning a degree, securing a high-paying job, marrying the right person, having children and the list goes on. But in the midst of all this chaos, where are YOU?

Where is your well-being-your physical, mental, emotional, social and spiritual well-being. Have you documented any progress you made in your well-being in the past year?

Did you notice how you finally finished that book you'd been dragging along for months because you are now able to focus better than before?
Did you notice how self-sufficient you feel in your own company lately?
Did you also notice your back has started hurting as you enter your late 20s with wrong posture and no regular exercise?
Did you notice a change in your relationship with your Creator?
Did you notice that change is the only constant process in your life and no feeling is eternal?
Have you given yourself the credit you deseve for making it this far without giving up?

Or like many of us, have you been measuring your worth solely by societal benchmarks-overlooking the quiet, yet profound, progress you have or have not made in nurturing your inner self?
-NM by @_saucyspaghetti_

/Bird Cottage/

It was a bird cottage inside the tree,
As fragile as a human heart,
Made of twigs, leaves, and mud yet stern—
A cosy cottage with a fireplace,
Full of life, love, laughter, and warmth.

Birds would come here, singing sweet songs,
To keep themselves warm.
It seemed like a place that gave birth to optimism every day,
A cottage that could light up every bird’s day.

Until one day, a storm came,
Though the cottage remained almost safe.
Months passed, and another storm came in its full swing,
Destroying walls and the intricate corners.
Storms after storms broke down the walls,
And the fireplace crumbled.

The place, once full of warmth despite the cold air, turned cold.
The twigs lost their strength and began wilting with time,
The birds stopped coming with their sweet songs.
The storms ceased after a year, and peace prevailed but the cottage stayed endlessly cold.

Now, raindrops fall now and then,
But the cottage cannot be bothered by the raindrops,
When it has already weathered so many storms…
-NM

#happywriting by @_saucyspaghetti_