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_toskaaa_

@_toskaaa_

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I’m a reminiscent memory of all the women who’ve suffered in love and then made a romantic poem of their suffering
Can write, act, cry and shout

POSTS STORIES REELS

This is a tale of ants. This is a tale of forbidden love.
This is a love letter to Chungking Express.
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A film by @itssanchitbansal
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Written, Directed & Edited by @itssanchitbansal
Starring @hustlingrajan @_toskaaa_
DOP @handas_pov

#cinematic #fyp #filmmaking #love #aesthetic by @_toskaaa_

One must imagine Sisyphus happy and not because Sisyphus was deluded to find happiness in his misery and pain but because Sisyphus was aware that this journey, this fight, this struggle is life long and beyond and one cannot sustain it without finding happiness in the absurdity, mundaneness and ceaseless pragmatism of the painful reality.
The struggle to fight against the injustice, corrupt system and tyrannical forces is endless and so is to fight against the personal problems of heartbreak, grief, watching your parents grow old and weak, finding a disease in yourself which makes you bleed constantly, harrowing reality of you being a collateral damage in a man’s life who choose to avoid looking at himself, a passing memory of a friend who I find waiting for me at the bottom of a whiskey glass, a floating dream of a lover who once was and now is a rubble stuck in the past, an ambition I saw committing sui*cide in my dimly lit room, a heart placed on a stranger’s tongue for him to spit it out, a haunting repetition of events which happened years ago making me feel like a mouse running on a wheel; tirelessly, endlessly, till I pass away. I imagine Sisyphus happy because the life without having a fight wouldn’t have worth it.
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#fypppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp #fyp by @_toskaaa_

Very Lana Del Rey coded seasonal melancholy but not in a summertime sadness kinda way but in a very A&W kinda way and that’s what’s called a real adult woman functional crash out experience and other things
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#fypppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp #fyp by @_toskaaa_

@nachiket_parchure caught me playing Retro Rani
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#fypppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp #casting #retro #fyp #model by @_toskaaa_

How many of you want to invest in the stocks which come in my name?
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#fyp #fypppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp by @_toskaaa_

It took me more than an hour to pick this song. I went from Mohammad Rafi to NFAK to Miles Davis to Peggy Lee to Rahman to Greta Dutt to back to this song.

Photographs by v talented @keshavisethi
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#fypppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp #fyp by @_toskaaa_

A few selfies, videos, screenshots, audition clips and a cake murdered.
As I am growing older, I am realising the significance of aloneness in one’s life. More often than not, I travel alone, eat alone, spend days alone. Up until two years ago, it felt like I was rotting in that aloneness. Spending away the days of youth in confining myself in an apartment closing down on me, in a city built to sometimes distance you from people and more times distance you from yourself. What is home if not a feeling of “coming back”. Here I am crossing the bridge of mid twenties, holding the anxieties of getting closer to thirties. The anxieties of making it big, not trying enough, growing older and most importantly looking older. A fear sits beside these years of not succeeding, another one lingers in the shadows of not taking a bigger risk and then there is a wandering loneliness visiting sometimes to greet my aloneness.
Amidst these , reside a madness and a hope to which I keep coming back, a sense of home, a point of return.
I spend time with my thoughts, dreams, aspirations, failures and mistakes. I spend time with a sense of thoughtlessness, I spend time thinking of people who once were a home and how life converted them into a fond memory. I spend time yearning for the age when I was silly and just wanted a lover so that I don’t have to be alone. Now, I want someone to share this aloneness with, a home not built in a person but a home built with a person. And the thing is, I am not even on a lookout.
Anyway, I have a feeling I will feel stupid writing all this when I could have simply captioned this post as, “September dump or wtev” by @_toskaaa_

Recent work 🎬 with my influenza baddies 💅✨🎀🌸
#arunachalpradesh #mumbai #actor #life #india by @_toskaaa_

One must not stop posting if they want to continue to seek work from Instagram. So here’s an updated look for all the casting directors, directors, talent scouting people etc.
Also, I would add a poem in the caption but nobody really read captions anymore and if you read this one then, I’ll try to do better in the next one but you need to tell me that you read captions first. Also, thanks for all the validation on the haircut my mom still hates it and I wake up with spikes on my head everyday.
Happy weekend or something? September has been unkind so far but we only have 19 more days to go
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#fypppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp #fyp by @_toskaaa_

Blurriness and haze of past 5 days are reaching to an extremely painful realisation of you being gone forever. No long drives, coffee meet ups , gossips, trauma bonding while coming back home, going to movies, bitching, golgappe and chai dates. My best friend is gone and it’s a shame that the world is not stopping. It’s a shame that I can’t grieve without feeling hungry, sleepy, tired, having to work and fake a passing smile. There’s no grace in the grieving which doesn’t halt the life and days altogether yet there’s a boon in that, time must move on so that we move past the pain and sadness. I don’t think any amount of time is enough to take away this pain and emptiness yet one waits, god knows for what but one can only wait.
Knowing you for 7 years do not even do justice to the relationship I had with you, it always felt like we met as children playing in a community park exchanging laughter and pencils. Thank you for making me feel like a child in your presence, thank you for listening to every rant, every sob story, thank you for always having your shoulder beside me to lean on and a hand to hold on. Never knew friendship could heal so much within you, never knew a man could make me feel so safe and seen at the same time. No film, book, fiction could ever represent our friendship, you were more than a Harry to my Hermoine, more than a Manto to my Ismat, More than a Holmes to my Watson, more than a Jai to my Aditi. You were what I had earned in my life which came after so many personal hardships , you were my answer to all the hopelessness and hatred in this world, you were the inspiration which made me resilient, you were the force which kept me pushing and loving, you were therefore I am. It amazes me how much love and compassion you carried within yourself, minutes before going into ICU, struggling with pain only you could fathom, your last message was to ask me about my day, how can someone be this kind?
Most contagious laughter in a room, brightest smile, loudest anger I’ve ever known, the most courageous, lover boy, the most talented artist, the warmest hug, you’ll be missed forever. My best friend is gone and it’s a shame the world is not stopping. by @_toskaaa_

Heard this song randomly on YouTube shorts 3-4 years ago and been in love with it since. Might or might not go with the pictures posted but just wanted to share it irrespective.
Wanted to write something on hope and Will and all that jazz but I think listening to a good song is enough sometimes.
Swipe for eye roll by @_toskaaa_

From the sets of @enterjungle for @sunfeastdarkfantasy

Posting it very late but here it is. Swipe for SRK speaking and a BTS by @_toskaaa_